Monday, April 27, 2009

Evils of the "Why" Road (Marnie)

I attended a funeral the other day: a very old gentleman who was in a lot of pain finally passed away. But he left behind a wonderful family that dearly loved him and respected him for the kind of man he was. The family assured us all he had a great life.

It really was a great service, but it left me a little out of sorts. After hearing about this amazing man who openly adored his wife and lovingly called her his "little bride" til the day he died, it sent me down what I like to call, the "Why" road.

The "Why" road is destructive. You should NEVER go down it. It only brings more questions with no comfort and slowly torments you into new ways of regret and self-pity. I think a few you might know what I'm talking about.

The "why" road started with: "why didn't I find a man early in my life who loved and adored me and married him so I could have some kids before I was 30?"

Another why: "why did I get stuck with all the issues that have kept me from serious relationships?"

And: "Why didn't I deserve a chance at the kind of happiness that leads to watch your posterity grow as you become grandparents and great-grandparents?"

And still more: "Why didn't I figure out 10 years ago that I had some real fears with the opposite sex that has kept me from overcoming them and as a result has left me unmarried at 38?"

And even more: "Why did I have to be an old maid instead of the bride I see having pictures taken every time I walk through temple square?"

Not to leave out: "Now that I FINALLY understand my problems and have worked on overcoming them for years, why am I still so far away from a relationship with a really great man?"

And my favorite: "Why am I STILL alone?"

I think you get the drift.

Well, I'll quote Alisa Snell again: "It is what it is." I take that as, "Yep, that's what happened. Now get over it." Not much compassion in that statement, but when you are going down the "why" road there isn't enough to make you feel better anyway. So it's best to just take the nearest exit and get off of that road.

My life didn't turn out like the typical female at my age. No amount of questioning or wondering why my life didn't turn out that way will turn back time or give me a "do over." It's easy to crave another existence or even wish someone else's life. But that kind of questioning or thinking really leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and causes MORE problems: bitterness, anger, depression, frustration directed at the opposite sex and even God.

My life could have been the typical outcome, but that isn't the way it was supposed to happen. And that's it. The good news is that I took that exit and got out of my "why" road funk. Doing so reminded me how grateful I am for my life. Because really, my life is great! It's not the typical life I expected or desired when I was 12 years old, but I can see how many great opportunities and challenges I've had. And no married at 21 woman would have had those same opportunities. I know exactly who I am! I know what I'm made of. I've seen some really hard times and I've seen some incredibly wonderful times. It's a good life. It just lacks a significant relationship with a male.

But the good news is that even though I will never be a 30-something soccer mom - at my rate, I'll be the late 40-something soccer mom - it doesn't mean I WON'T have a great relationship with a wonderful man who will adore and love me and even might refer to me as his "little bride."

He's out there. I just have to keep looking...

1 comment:

Bridget said...

I totally relate, Marnie, with all of it the questioning that leaves us empty and never satisfied, and then the letting it go..we just have to you know..that our life is taylor made for us. and that what is in our control is what it sounds like you're aware of, being the best we can be. You're strong,beautiful and a real catch, I can tell by the amazing insight and wit that comes from you.