Wednesday, February 15, 2012

All because one girl read an article...(Stella)

Today I'm feeling it. That righteous indignation that boils up in me from time to time when I see what I consider to be an injustice. I read an article today on a LDS magazine website about single LDS men and some of the causes for their marital situation. It discussed anxiety, poor self awareness, waiting for an angel from heaven type of spiritual confirmation experience, women who are too aggressive in their a nut shell it should have been titled:

All the excuses we men and women give each other or 6 paragraphs of nonsensical crap.

Am I allowed to say crap in this blog? Oh well, like I said I'm boiling with indignation, and I'll add this to the list of things I repent of tonight...

Are you over it yet? Man or woman are you fed up with the talks and the articles and the books and the advice columns? Are you over the analysis and the minute detailing of experiences to try to find the reasons why? When are we going to call it like it is? When are we going to stomp our feet and say enough is enough? Enough selfishness! Enough fear! Enough putting happiness off in the misguided notion that there's something bigger/better/less scary out there?

I propose we stand together and just like an AA meeting say together:
I'm (chosen name here) and I'm single. I hate it. I have no idea why this has happened to me. I can't get over this and I wonder if I ever will. I hate the desperation I feel but as the years go on the more hopeless I am.

Or maybe...

I'm (chosen name here.) I'm single. I want to be single. I don't want the responsibility of a spouse, children, home, etc. I want to have fun and do what I want to do. I don't care what the Prophets say. I date with the intent to have fun, not to find a marriage partner.

Or maybe...

I'm (chosen name here too.) I expect my future spouse to fulfill a list of requirements that is unreasonable and will ensure that I will stay single until I die or become senile - whatever comes first. He/She must be rich, good looking, spiritual....this list is really my way of saying I don't want/or I'm afraid/or I have much too high an opinion of myself to tie myself to another imperfect person.

Or if you're like me...
I'm Stella. I'm single. For years I've been an active participant with my peers complaining and whining about what the opposite sex is/isn't doing. For years I've wondered what's wrong with me? Well, I'm sick of it. From now on, I want us to say it how it is. If you don't want to get married say so. If you're questioning your sexual preference say so. If you're afraid say so. Stop hurting innocent people who are trying to find their forever family.

As of today I pledge to never again read another random article on how to not be single. To those who continue to hold to their fears, their selfishness, their refusal to follow the Prophet's counsel and guidance I add:

Take Responsibility. Be Accountable. Grow up.

BTW - things with my sweetheart are going very well so this is not a reflection of a bitter woman. Just a fed up one.


John said...

I enjoyed your article! I have found a lot of good advice regarding such matters on
There are a number of insights and suggestions for single lds individuals on that website that are quite helpful.

Scully said...

Or maybe it is more a case of being ambivalent. I'm old enough to have seen some of my friends' marriages implode and even the ones that haven't have struggled with huge things like addictions to pornography, secret debt, infertility, and mental illness. The more I see, the more gun-shy I get. I want to get married, but there are also days where being single seems so much safer and easier. I may be overly attuned to red flags, but that doesn't mean I am looking for the 'perfect' man, nor does the fact that I say being single is easier some days mean I only want to date and have fun. It just means it is complicated and will only get more complicated the older I get and the more I see and live through. I think many of us fall into the ambivalent camp but get labeled as one of the others when people sense our ambivalence.