Saturday, June 19, 2010

Dating in the Eternities (Leah)

Excuse me for sharing this.  I know I'm not a "Single Mormon Girl" anymore and probably shouldn't be posting here, but I have to say I still love this blog and love all the posts and comments and I can't resist just sharing a few more thoughts that come to me in relation to my "Leah" identity.  I love being married, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I still identify better with my single friends than I do my new set of peers.  In fact, the first month after being married if I saw a woman who was like myself, but still single, I felt guilty for having gotten married.  Looking at her just made me think she "deserved" it more than I did - whatever that means.  I found myself in elevators with single women and I wanted to tell them I really was just like them only a month or so before - it was like I felt I had betrayed my sisterhood or something weird.  One time in the temple, when interacting with one of the workers who was a single woman, I found myself trying to hide my ring.  I was even tempted to give her my maiden name.  I think (hope) I'm getting over some of those feelings, but it sure is a process.  Okay, maybe I need to create my own new blog "Confessions of a Recently Married Mormon Girl."  I'll stop and get on with the original thought that motivated me to post on here.

What I wanted to share was an interesting idea presented by a friend of mine on the topic of dating and striving toward marriage.  She was around 40 and single and living a full life, but frustrated with her prospects.  One day the thought occurred to her that if she didn't get married in this life, when she got to the other side, God wasn't going to say, "Here's your Son of Helaman" (or whatever), instead He would say, "All right, you better get dating, you still need to find a husband."  The thought of continuing that same goal in the next life was painful to her and she figured she would rather complete it now than have to do it later.  That thought never occurred to me, but you know, it sounded true when she said it. 

I visit teach an older woman who was never married and she is determined to never do so in this life.  She says she's too set in her ways and would have to compromise too much to marry now.  She even sleeps in a twin sized bed.  She expects to be wife number two or something in the next life.  I think she has the attitude that  she'll just be magically given a husband when she dies and life will be easy or something.  I don't know but now I'm interested in asking her more about what she expects the next phase of eternal life will be like.

All I know is that there are a lot of lessons to be learned as a single woman while playing the dating game.  In truth it's all about getting to know yourself better, work on your weaknesses, and in the process strengthen your relationship with God while learning to love as He does.  It's not easy.


Conkit said...

Thanks for posting again! I used to follow this blog but then you all stopped posting, so i had to stop being single and just get married:0) hehe jk. But I am recently married and I know EXACTLY what you mean. Please Please start a blog called Confessions of a recently married Mormon girl. I've only been married 2 weeks and just went to my new "family ward" today. I still feel like I identify better with my old singles ward friends than my new RS family. It's still weird saying, "my husband" and even calling myself by my new name. It is definitely a process and I have felt that same guilt as well. Especially when my old relief society pres from the singles ward mentioned that she was jealous that I was married. I know she was just joking but I did feel guilty because I also feel like she deserves this happiness waaaay more than I do. I guess it's an adjustment process just like anything else:0)

Anonymous said...

It's been a strange adjustment for me too. I definitely agree that I identify more with the single women in my ward than those who have been married since they were in their 20s.

I've thought about starting another blog about being married. Although, it would be more along the lines of frustration at being wife #2 and dealing with the crazy ex-wife. Not quite so uplifting- more venting. :)

Good to hear from you Leah!

Anonymous said...

Interesting concept: dating in the eternities. I have to admit as a 41-year-old single woman the thought of Heavenly Father handing over a husband to me freaks me out. It always has. I even had a dream once about it and I was very upset that I was "marrying" someone I didn't even know. Too much like an arranged marriage (which would freak me out as well). Now, the concept of having to "date" in the eternities doesn't fill me with joy, I'm hopeful that by that point we'd all be past all the superficial stuff that gets in the way here on earth and that although not easy, it would be different.

Fei said...

What you have expressed is an interesting circumstance for survivor's guilt.

I love this blog because of its honest an open approach to the struggles. Yet, I'm only 26 and already happily married and I feel like I should't be here because I don't share a part of that suffering and should be despised because of it.

But, I wanted to thank you for sharing the concept of dating in the eternities. I do feel that many women do have the attitude of giving up on developing relationships here because it is so difficult and they'd rather wait for their happily ever after to appear magically at the end of the suffering.

I sometimes wish that's how it could be for those experiencing such intense loneliness now but the truth is that everyone who wants a relationship does have to go through those steps whether in this realm or the next.