Seeing a relationship end at my age is so much more complicated than it was when I was in my 20s. Yes, I miss him terribly and I'm confused and hurt and all those familiar emotions that I felt when guys would break up with me over a decade ago. But my hurt is now compounded by a fear that I might not meet many more suitable men. After all, it took quite a long time to find the one who left me last week...and it's not like I have a whole lot of options where I live, unless I'm willing to go to bars.
Which I'm not.
I need more time to process and heal from this, but I want to offer up this tiny piece of hope: in the past week, I have felt God's love for me more acutely than ever before in my life. As friends learned the news, they prayed for me, and I felt their prayers. And even though every night I've been on my knees, sobbing, my heart feels peace. I have no idea how this summer fits into God's plan for me (and I can't try to make sense of it now, because the first place I end up on that train of thought is Bitterville) so for now, I focus on my career that I love, my family that I love, and my God that I love.
After all, they all love me more than he did.