Dreams (Stella)

Today is a special day. A day for reflection and evaluation. A day to remember our blessings and spend time with our loved ones. Today I pause to remember all the things this day means to me and I imagine to all of us. I remember those whose mortal journey ended 10 years ago and my heart goes out to their families and loved ones. Not only is it the day that changed our country forever but it is also my birthday. My birthday is an insignificant part of this post but I throw it in there because as I add another year to my time on the earth I ponder my life and pose a question.

I pause to remember that one of the ways we honor those whose sacrifice allow us to continue on is to in fact - continue on. I'm wondering if any of you have found yourself either now or in the past where I now find myself. Think back to that day you graduated from high school. Maybe it was 5, 10, 20, 25 or more years ago. Think about all of the dreams you had for yourself - where you would go, what you would do, see, experience. How many of those dreams have been realized?

I'm grateful to say that I set some big dreams for myself and was raised to believe that I could and would accomplish them all if I worked hard enough. Though it took me a while and wasn't easy, I'm happy to say that I've accomplished every single one that I had for myself except one. I've finished my education, traveled the world, am well ensconced in my career, bought a little house with 2 recliner chairs and a big TV just like I imagined as a teenager dreaming of her own space and through it all have become someone I really like.

In spite of these blessings however, I have one dream that for the foreseeable future remains out of my grasp. Unfortunately attached to this one dream are countless others that would take me through old age and without the first one happening the others are like fine mist that get dimmer and dimmer as the years go on. It seems to me that if I'm going to make it to my next birthday without going completely crazy I need some new dreams.

What are your dreams? Maybe I could borrow one for a little while until I find some of my own. Please keep in mind that I'm a bit fearless - I'll jump out of it, off of it, or on to it. I'll save for years to get there, give up sleep to accomplish it, and anything short of sacrificing my moral or value system will give all to attain it. I only speak English fluently but have never let that stop me and thanks to an impulsive personality will only think it through after I've already done it.

I'm looking to find something to wake up for - that sounds pathetic and a wee bit sad but it is what it is. When you choose to live life only for yourself life is pretty meaningless but when you live life for yourself because you haven't been given any other choices it's down right painful. I spend my life serving others - every single day I help and love and lift and support. While that keeps me going and blesses my life in countless ways I still go home each night to an empty house and an emptier heart. I want to rediscover the girl I used to be who was hopefully waiting & diligently searching for her sweetheart while tearing up the world around her and I think a new dream or two is just what the doctor ordered.