Wednesday, September 7, 2011

He's NOT the One!!! (Marnie)

Have you ever gone on a date with a guy that you knew you had NO intention of ever going out with again? So why did you say yes in the first place? maybe he caught you off guard or it was a pity date. Or it was just nice to go out on a date. If you weren't interested even MORE after the 2nd date - for whatever reasons - did he ask you out again? Of course he did! It’s almost like clockwork. Why does that happen? Because you weren’t that interested! They sense that and men do love a good chase. I’ve seen it time and again with me and with my friends. For me, I try to let my date know I'm not interested by acting completely like myself, like I don’t care what I say or do, and even try to remain a bit standoffish - yet they STILL ask for a 2nd date. That behavior is like a perfume they can't resist. They still go hunting and try to get another date. They love it especially when the prey isn't interested and even running away…it’s in their nature.

If only we could do that with the men we ARE interested in! If I'm interested in a guy and he has several qualities I'm looking for - he may even be on my "potentials list" for a future husband - I act completely different. Instead of disinterest, I'm very interested in what he says and does, I try to act just perfectly, very attentive and oh so willing to be flexible and helpful in any way - probably too much. What is the result? Well, usually, he sees I'm interested and suddenly he isn't...there's no chase.

It's just the way it is...

Well, I just read an article by Holly Sidell that had a great point – you should really date guys believing they're NOT "the one!" (You know, the man you've been dreaming of.) Holly's coach told her that "the one" doesn't exist. There is no perfect person for you, just the person you marry. That isn't the romantic dream we all have about our future spouse, but Holly believes this is a good philosophy! If you are able to get "the one" thought out of your head and think of the guy as just another date, you'll keep yourself from investing too much in him and take the pressure off the date. She says we often attach too many emotions and stories into our heads of what we want to happen. (So TRUE!) And another great reason: it makes you look a little disinterested - if he even remotely likes you, he’ll chase you!

I know it seems impossible to do – NOT comparing the guy in front of you to what “you want” and wondering how he would be as a husband and father to your future children. And if he is a really great guy and you two really do click, you start making your mental list of what you are looking for and start thinking things like, "he could be the one" - you've fallen into that trap! But as the article says, you should instead think, “that’s a trait I would like in my future husband.” That way you still are identifying his good points but keeping him out of the your temple marriage mental picture. If he really is a guy you should marry, you’ll get there! How many friends of yours dated a guy they had no intention of getting serious with and then ended up marrying with the common comment of, “I had no real interest at first and he didn’t seem my type at all!”

I think they may have something…

So that’s my goal…the next cool guy that asks me out, I will repeat over and over and over in my head during the date, “He’s not the one.” I only hope I can pull it off! In the end, I think it will save me a lot of grief.

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