Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I recently was reminded of the basic needs of men and women. Men need to feel important and needed (but don’t we all?) and women need to feel protected and cared for (but don’t we all?). So my question, or maybe my comment, is that if these are our basic needs why do we tend to be so independent and insecure all at the same time? I think it must have a lot to do with our subtle behaviors in a relationship. I used to think I didn’t care if a man got my door for me or not. But in the last few years I’ve realized how much I like it when a man gets my door for me, even the car door after arriving at the destination. I like to just sit there and slowly gather my things and wait expectantly for him to get my door – it gives me a little bit the feeling of being a princess. In fact when I get out of the car I find myself trying to do so more gracefully – like a princess I guess. I should point out, though, that when it’s a guy I don’t like and I don’t feel like he knows or respects me then it really bugs. I think the feeling of being cared for and protected is also why women take so well to cuddling and hand holding – those are actions of tenderness and gentle protection. It occurs to me, though, that a lot of these actions are just symbolic – not really necessary. I guess having gone through evolution we just maintain these sorts of customs because they still evoke the necessary emotion. But like other age old customs, they are sometimes lacking from our culture. I think a lot of women in my age range have a hard time knowing how to make a man feel important and needed when she’s had to develop such independence and self sufficiency. I don’t know if it’s been discussed on here or just in my real life, but it seems that learning one’s “role” as a woman is very important in having a successful romantic relationship. Not necessarily the damsel in distress role, but certainly the feminine nurturing respectful sort of role. Anyway, I’m still working on it. I don’t get a lot of feedback – maybe I should ask for more – so I’m never quite sure if I’m playing my role well or if I look like a child playing dress-up in mother’s shoes. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of trying to be something you’re not and realizing everyone can see through you. So out of fear I often don't even try - but without trying you make no progress. You see what I'm working on?