Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Caution: Dating Causes Humility - and Sometimes Humiliation (Marnie)

So all those non-dating years from 16 to 30 really has left me miles away from being properly experienced for dating. I'm sure everyone has had their learning experiences about what is kosher on a date and what is totally taboo. I've watched lots of chick flicks trying to make up from a huge lack of personal experience, but sometimes I just choke!

Like for instance, the guy I've been waiting to ask me out for months caught me off guard when he called me and asked me out. He asked me for a night I couldn't go. Instead of doing the appropriate, "Oh, I'm not available Friday night, how about Saturday night?" all I could do was ramble about how I had to go to a stupid function and how I wished I didn't. I knew after the conversation that he would think I was just being polite and trying to let him down easy. It was so sad that I didn't have enough experience (or brain cells) to spit out what I SHOULD of said to give him the proper vibes to encourage him of my interest. I CHOKED.

I knew he wouldn't ask me out again (call it intuition or revelation, whichever), so I took a chance and asked him out to something I needed a date for awhile later. Luckily he said yes. I was having such a relaxed, good time with him that night that I started forgetting I was on a first date - which can be dangerous.

Now the dating books say that on a first date you are supposed to be on your best behavior, try to watch what you say and not be offensive. On a first date, a lot rests on first impressions when it comes to getting that second date. Did I remember that? No! I just kept spewing - talking off the cuff and not really thinking about what I was saying. (I couldn't help it!! he was really easy to talk to!)

Then I heard a huge generality coming from my mouth, "Yeah, I never want to be rich. Rich people are snobs and their children are spoiled rotten and become menaces to society" and so forth. At one point he said, looking rather serious, "how much does a person have to make before you consider them rich?" Because I don't know this guy all that well, I knew I had gone into dangerous territory - what if his family WAS rich and I just offended him and his family? Maybe he was rich!! WHY WAS I STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS???

This is of course not the first time I've made a fool out of myself or learned the hard way about the rules of etiquette on dates or to put it bluntly - what turns a guy off...there really are too many to bring up.

But stuff like this reminds me why I've avoided dating for some many years - so many opportunities to look silly or say something embarrassing. Now that I'm in a time in my life that I am dating and practicing a fair amount, it still brings me down that I still have so far to go before I'm not making silly blunders like this. UGH! What I wouldn't do for rewind buttons on dates!!

Before you think I feel too sorry for myself, I know this goes both ways and guys have their humiliating moments. I've witnessed behavior by dates that I know they wished they could have a "do-over" (like we used to get as kids when playing kick ball).

I went out with one guy who had a cow because I beat him at a card game and INSISTED on a rematch instead of just going to the next activity. When he did beat me he rubbed it in my face like he had done something great. He later mentioned that he felt bad for acting like that.

And then there was the guy that went ON and ON about his stomach and bowel problems. That wasn't fun to hear - and I didn't ask.

Then there was the guy that talked the WHOLE night about his ex-wife and how mean she was. And then to top it off he bragged about how he got kicked off a dating website for "inappropriate" behavior - three times!

I'm sure all of them thought later that maybe they shouldn't have said what they said during the night. I know I regretted hearing it.

But sometimes it turns out ok in the end. A friend of mine once told me that on her fist date with her husband, he stood up from the table at a restaurant and acted like a monkey - literally. She later asked him why he did it. He admitted that he was just trying to impress her and that's what came to his mind to do right then. He regretted it.

It worked out in the end for them - because they got married - and I guess if there is really "something" between two people, it won't matter in those silly embarrassing moments. But many times have I made a snap judgment on a guy by one thing he said? He is trying to impress me as much as I'm trying to impress him! Maybe I should be giving more "do-overs" myself. I know that's what I would want.

So, that cute guy that I went out with and hoped he would call to ask me out again? Yep...didn't call. Here's hoping it wasn't the "rich" comment and instead he left town for the weekend! Maybe next week he'll call???

Ah! Humility...What a glorious thing! (insert sarcasm here)

The question of the week: what's the most embarrassing thing you've done or said on a date?


Anonymous said...

my friend and i call these "call box moments" since she once made a stupid comment on a date about his call box. one of those things you are just embarrassed to admit you were a part of. but, such is life! got to move on!

Anonymous said...

Marnie, I think you are being too hard on yourself and worrying too much about how you come across. You are pretty, smart, and kind - which is a great combination. The fact that you felt comfortable talking freely with the above mentioned guy should be flattering to him. As for the "rich" discussion if he doesn't have the maturity to roll with those comments (regardless of his socio-economic status) then there is probably bigger things for you to be concerned about.

Keep being yourself.

Lorelai said...

I would answer your question as to what was my most embarassing moment on a date but I have this amazing memory where I block all those things out and even when I try and recall it doesn't happen. But we all do embarassing things it is just a matter of moving onward and upward. Keep being yourself cause you are really cool.