Ok, so I’m feeling a little guilty about something I said in my last blog. I compared my dating pool to a bushel of overripe apples. Yeah, its not the meanest thing I’ve compared men to, but it isn’t a good one. Nor is it respectful.
I used to have a very dim view of the opposite sex for a time (ok, all through my 20s). They could never do anything right! And if one male misbehaved, I slammed them all. And I did this in my every day conversation. Yeah, you wonder why I didn’t get married before I was 30, huh??
Well, I’m a reformed slammer of men. I don’t think pointing out the faults of a group of people have ever built bridges to understanding that group of people. It’s better to take the positive and focus on it. I know one of the things I desire most from people is understanding and compassion. And I know I have some really shallow points about myself that I’m sure some other people don’t like. But I would much rather them focus on my really good points that I’m proud to have worked on and actually achieved. So shouldn’t I also give that much courtesy to others?
And the truth is, I have met and dated some wonderful guys! Wonderful guys that have been in my same social status predicament. And if I truly have changed, I shouldn’t be comparing these guys to rotten apples. That’s just rude!
A girlfriend of mine was telling me about her boyfriend and some of the things he’s done for her as they’ve become closer in their relationship. She has a hard time believing he really digs her a lot and it’s hard for her to see when he is sacrificing and making her priority. But because I’m an outsider, I can see it as clear as day! What a great guy! Not perfect, but he tries so hard to do what’s best for both of them. It’s good to see a man committed to putting his girlfriend first and trying to work as a team as they figure out their social agendas (both family obligations as well as their own wants and needs). He is an outstanding man that really is a good representative of how many good men that are out there.
Yeah, I know. They screw up. They come off as selfish brats sometimes. But they also come through, too! And I know that as I’ve focused on their good points (harder to do when you’ve recently been rejected, mind you), I’ve found I’m happier and more upbeat about the future. And I’ve dated a whole lot more. Sure, some of those dates haven’t been my favorite, but it’s nice to be wanted enough for them to take me out!
So, I apologize to all the men in my dating pool! I think you are tremendous! And even though some of you don’t prefer my company, that’s ok too!
As that primary song goes, “Kindness begins with me….” - I pledge to keep seeking out the good in the men I know and even point out the good things I see they do when I have the opportunity. Not only will it help me keep positive but it will reinforce those behaviors that often go overlooked and unrecognized. It will also help me identify the kind of man I’m looking for to date and eventually marry. And that’s a win-win situation.