Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Éponine Complex (Marnie)

After watching the Academy Awards this weekend, it reminded me of seeing the movie, Les Misérables during the Christmas break. Whether you agree with the choices of singers/actors in the movie or not, you have to admit it was a raw, emotion packed movie. I've always loved the musical.  I have seen the musical more times than I can really count and have listened to the soundtrack more times than the years I have actually  lived - which is a lot nowadays. 

I have always been intrigued by the love triangle of Maris-Cosette-Éponine.  Back when I was 19 and heard the music the first time, I, like every other woman I have talked to, related to Éponine.  Yep, I’ve had my heart broken, given love to a man that never returned it, and drooled from jealousy as the man I loved, left me for her.  

Or, something like that…

Of course, who really likes a soprano voice that only spits out words like, “I can’t believe it! Is it real? Is my life just beginning?  I’m just so lucky,” when many of us can only pull off an lower alto voice of a woman who says things like, “he’ll never love me like I love him so I just have to suck it up and be on my own forever because I’m a single woman in my ***insert appropriate number here***."  

Yep, a lot of us relate better to Éponine.  Negativity just oozes out from us.

But as this New Year continues to get underway, I challenge myself - as well as you readers - to break the insanity of the sad lonely and very dead Éponine.   We need to start thinking that we too can ride off into the soprano sunset that Cosette and Maris take off on.  Why did they have that ending?  Because they were soul mates. (And I define "soul mates" as two people that exclusively love each other and who actually commit to each other.) 

They belonged together. Unfortunately, Maris would never love Éponine the way she wanted him to because they weren’t even close to being a good match.  Reality is reality.  Would Éponine's life turn out differently if she had fallen for a different guy?  Or, moved on from Marius after she realized how much he loved Cosette?  You can’t tell me there wasn’t another street-smart French sweetheart of a guy who wouldn’t have appreciated her for who she was.  Yet, she didn’t find him.  But that's because she didn’t even look for him.  She got stuck on the “out of reach” guy that she KNEW wanted someone else.  

And she ended up dead.

Now before everyone starts emailing me for being a thoughtless unromantic for taking their love triangle away from them, let me get to my point. The point is WE make our lives happen.  But first we need to BELIEVE we can be Cosette. Believe that we can find the right guy if we keep moving forward and looking for him.  We can’t just let life pass us by, pining for a guy we are too scared to talk to or one we think is totally out of our reach.  Or, even worse, pining for one that rejected us in the past and broke our hearts to a million pieces.  

Let’s get a move on!  If you are pining for someone, chase him down and find out if it’s right.  (meaning stop being scared and have a conversation).  And if a huge, big, fat rejection comes, take a weekend to sulk with your ice cream and chick flick movies, then MOVE ON.  

If you are still dwelling on a bad relationship and the one that got away, MOVE ON. Look around and look for someone else to focus on.  Don't be scared of the future just because of the past hurt, MOVE ON!  There are many more French men moving in the streets of Paris – metaphorically speaking of course. We just have to keep looking and believing Maris is out there. 

There is nothing worse than losing faith and personally, I’ve done it several times in my life.  But it brings misery and despair.  It is also a choice, just like Éponine decided to get shot.  Are the odds against us?  Yep.  Does it look bleak when you put our dating situations down on paper and do the math? You bet!  But are miracles possible? YES, but ONLY if we believe.  So let’s believe we can be the Cosette to the Maris.  Believe we can find the person that is the best fit for us.  I have too many happily married friends who were in my situation and age bracket this last year and they had the exact same odds and stumbling blocks. Yet they ended up finding the one that “just fit.” (aka Their Marius).  They all have different stories on how fast or slow they figured it out, but when they try to explain to me how they did it, it is always the same: it just happened – BUT  it was while they were trying. 

So let’s get a move on!  Let’s keep trying.  Let’s keep hoping and praying and doing everything in our power to find our Marius. Let's make a happy ending for all of us and not just those damn sopranos.

As it says in the end of the movie, "to love another person is to see the face of God."