I had a first-date this weekend with a guy who has really good Phil potential. He's upstanding and can carry on a great conversation. The next day, however, I woke up feeling a bit sad. I think I was missing Phil the first. This guy is very much the first Phil's opposite. (Over the years I find I do that a lot - flip-flop - not intentionally, it just happens.) The things this guy has, Phil lacked, and the things that made Phil the first great, this guy lacks. I really can't say for sure which qualities I value more - maybe that's why I flip-flop so much. I realized, though, that just as you get to know and appreciate a new Phil you must go through the process of more fully letting go of the old Phil. It's not just a matter of falling in love with someone new, it also involves falling out of love with the past. And not just the one that preceded him - memories of many of them come back and float around for reflection and nostalgia's sake and maybe even a little bit of inner debate.
There's an ABBA song that I just love - less well known than the ubiquitous "Dancing Queen" and even "Chiquitita." It's called "Move On" - from a 1978 album. "Like a roller in the ocean, life is motion, move on...." It sometimes echoes in my head - a good mantra.