dangerously stupid (by marcia)

I had a Bishop once who explained in his annual morality talk that there are actions that are either definitely black or definitely white. Then there is this big grey area in the middle. He called this the dangerously stupid zone. Over the years I’ve extended this analogy to other areas of life and I realize that I’ve spent a fair amount of time wandering aimlessly in the dangerously stupid zone.

It’s been a few days since Clue and I had our last relationship talk when he asked whether I was emotionally available. I am out of town this week so I’ve had time to process his question. We’ve talked on the phone a few times and have had some great conversations about life, politics and the world we live in. We haven’t talked about my emotional availability, but I know it’s on both of our minds.

Maybe I’m being defensive, but I honestly don’t feel that I am generally emotionally unavailable – I just ended a fairly serious relationship a week before I met Clue, so I think it would be more of a concern if I was ready to jump back into another relationship so soon. I also haven’t been able to determine whether this relationship with Clue hasn’t progressed because I’m not ready or because the “it” factor just isn’t there. There were a few times early on when I considered canceling a date with Clue because I just wasn’t feeling the love, but for some reason (most likely that Cowardice and Avoidance thing), I always kept our dates. So after three months, I feel like we’re progressing…albeit slowly. I will say that I have really missed Clue this week and am anxious to get home on Saturday to see him. And when I do, I am going to be open to Clue and our relationship. I am going to tear down, ignore or crash through those walls. I am going to be open, available and loving. It things don’t click, they don’t click. But I am going to be so ready in case they do.

I do have one complication though…BH is coming to town. I finally told Clue that he was coming and he just asked, “is he coming to see you?” I loved hearing the relief in his voice when I replied no. I did warn him that BH tends to show up at my house a lot when he’s in town. Our lives were pretty intertwined – his car is still at my house and he has stuff in my garage and we need to take care of those kinds of things. I’m also planning on talking to BH when he gets here – we left some things unsaid and I feel the need to just do a bit of tidying up. I was honest and said that I still care about BH and probably always will, but I was totally over him.

I promised Clue there was nothing to worry about, but I could almost hear my Bishop whispering, “you’re entering the dangerously stupid zone…”

Disconnected Ramble and My Evening with X (Kris)

I was shopping with a college roommate last week and bought some fun green summer wedges. I told her that now I just needed a date so I could wear them. She reminded me that when we were in college and I was feeling the need to go out, I would just call a guy and ask him to take me out that night. Surprisingly, it worked. I've been craving a night out on the town that doesn't involve a huge group of people, but I can't imagine myself doing that now. Maybe I've gotten scared, or maybe that behavior is only appropriate in your 20's and a little juvenile now.

I don't want to come off as desperate, like I'm begging for a date. I don't feel like it's desperation, just normal to want to have some quality time with the opposite sex. I had a good friend in college who dated a lot. Even if there wasn't a girl he was really interested in pursing romantically, he would go on "friend" dates. He once explained to me that he felt men and women complimented each other, and it was important for balance in his life to spend quality time with women on a regular basis. He was not a player, but very sincere and took genuine interest in everyone he dated. I think that is profound. We talk/hear so much about the differences between men and women and how it separates us, but I think a good context for the discussion is how our differences can make relationships interesting, complimentary and necessary.

There is one guy I can always count on for a fun evening out. My ex (X). We have been friends a long time, before we dated and afterwards. We've stayed in touch and go out occasionally. He's a good dater- meaning, even though we're going out as friends, he still makes me feel like a girl. He's always a gentleman, willing to drive, pay (I usually offer dutch though), and knows all those little things that make you feel feminine. We talked recently and decided to go out last night. Ex's are nice in that you know each other really well (X knows all my secrets and vice versa) and can talk really candidly. I have no question where I stand with X. We can openly appreciate each other and know exactly the boundaries of the relationship. Although, he got a little flustered when I teased him that I had joked with my sisters when I bought the new shirt I was wearing that I'd feel so sassy wearing it that I'd probably put out with whoever was willing to take me out. :) Anyway, thank heaven for good men who, with no strings attached, just enjoy treating women like women. X has always been good with that. It is so appreciated.