Have you ever had one of these?(Bridget)

On Wednesday I saw GSE, who is someone that has been a crazy,strong force in my life for 12 years. We went to Indian, which is both of our favorites. We hadn't seen eachother in more than a year. It is complicated. Scully's post "weird dynamic" reminded me a bit of the dynamic GSE and I share. Driving to meet GSE I was aware of the butterflies in my stomach and the ever familiar giddiness I feel when I am driving towards him. I say driving, because even when I am not in a car, I am essentially driving via some emotional,physical,spiritual force towards him. Its a drive that is familiar, but is very confusing to me. My relationship with him has brought many firsts to me. He was the first man that said "I love you" to me and he was the first man that I said it back. He feels like home to me. But its a dysfunctional home. One that maybe I'm used to. One in which one is always chasing and one is always running, and vice versa. Its the moments in which we rest together and sit still for a few moments,synchronized heartbeats, that I justify my continued running. He wants to see me again this week. We have planned to see eachother on Wednesday. Its complicated...the boundaries always get skewed when we see eachother, if there were any boundaries to begin with. He still doesn't know what he wants. He asks me to tell me what's wrong with him. I tell him unapologetically, but it doesn't fix it. Now someone tell me what's wrong with me? And hopefully I can fix it.

Boys and Books (Leah)

Oops - it's me again, despite my threat to take a month off. I just had to post before I forgot the thought. I finished a book not too long ago where the main male character and female character's relationship reminded me of an old relationship of mine. He and she definitely cared for each other and there was definitely chemistry. He wanted to marry her but instead she married another man, a bit duller. She never exactly says why and they never lose their zing or connectedness - but by the end you come to understand that in terms of marriage her husband really was the better choice. She asks the main guy to stay her friend, actually I think she asks him to be friends with her daughters. The setting was the late 1800's and it was not common for girls to grow up capable of intelligent conversation and this woman is definitely a thinker - you can tell that one thing she loves about the guy is his respect for her wit. What makes her husband a better option for marriage, though, is that he's stable and reliable and capable of giving her a home in which to raise daughters in the first place. The main guy she really loves tends to love adventure and travel and danger more. He believes he loves her enough to marry her, but she can see that really he would not be the man she loves if he did settle down in the family way. I know that one of the Phils I've loved definitely loved me. I believe he wanted to marry me but for whatever reason he couldn't commit to that way of life. One of the things we share that really feeds our love is our conversation and analytical tendencies. In retrospect I'm glad he couldn't settle down. I don't think in the long run I'd really be happy. Sure I miss the wit and banter and fun of dating him, but that's not what a woman builds a marriage and home life on. So the new Phil may not have the same energy and flow of conversation and adventure, but he's strong and good and offers hope of a real future. That's the sort of man a woman needs. I think. Anyway, it's just me identifying with a character in a book probably so maybe I'm reading too much into it.

a new perspective..it's all about love (marcia)

Sometimes I forget that life really is about love. It’s about loving others and about being loved. Anything and everything else is a bonus. Actually, love itself is a bonus.

I just returned from my fifth trip to the Sunflower Orphanage in Peru. As usual, it was an amazing trip with new experiences, but this trip was especially sweet to me. If you’ll indulge me a bit, I’m going to digress from my usual dating posting, but I hope you’ll find it applies.

The Sunflower is home to 37 beautiful children. The 37th child (I’ll call her Liz), a 9 year old darling girl, arrived while I was there. Her mother and a social worker dropped Liz off with a simple explanation that she couldn’t afford her. This child was beautiful. She was also in shock. She was in a strange place, with strange people and her mother had just abandoned her.

I talked to her for a bit. What’s your name, how old are you, what’s your favorite food? And then we took her into our donations room where we gave her a fleece comfort quilt in her favorite color, yellow. We let her pick out a new pink backpack. We gave her a school kit, a hygiene kit with a cool Disney toothbrush, new clothes and pajamas and a cute stuffed animal. We gave her lots of hugs and we talked to her as if she were the most important child in the world.

Here’s the amazing stuff. Within 1 minute of meeting little Liz, I loved her. I struggled to hold back the tears as I watched her wide, scared eyes take everything in. I did everything I could to let her know she was safe. I wanted to give her the best fleece blanket, the best stuffed animal, the best backpack, even the best ball point pen. I hugged her a dozen times. I loved her, but most importantly I wanted her to feel loved.

Liz arrived while the rest of the children were at school but it wasn’t long before they got home. We introduced her to the other children and asked a few of the older girls to help and befriend her. I was a proud mama as I watched our kids take her by the hand and take her on a tour. It wasn’t long before they were running around playing. By the end of the day, you couldn’t pick out the new girl from the crowd. She fit in and she was one of us.

In contrast to that sad but beautiful experience with Liz, we had a disturbing experience being stuck in a two-day general strike that pretty much paralyzed the city we were in. The people were frustrated with the government and placed barricades all along the main (and only) road through the Sacred Valley for a couple of days. There was no transportation other than walking. People were angry and were complaining about the economic conditions. Many were drunk. I felt for the people. Life dealt them a difficult card.

Now that I’m back in the real world, I’ve thought several times about the experience of welcoming Liz into our home. And I’ve also thought about the strike. It is a stark contrast to go from one memory to the other. I still feel the pain of the people and their difficult lives. I understand their valid complaints and their justified frustrations. And then I fondly remember the sweet experience that began when a frightened 9 year old walked through our front gate and into my heart.

That’s my challenge. While I’m completely aware that my world and my degree of frustrations in no way compare with third-world poverty, I have from time to time felt the desire to go on strike. I know I’ve complained. I’ve probably thrown in a few barricades along the way.

But now I’m trying to remember that life’s about love. I’m trying to develop the kind of love that I had for Liz – the kind where I want others to have the best comfort quilt. I’m trying to remember that’s what life is about – it’s about loving and being loved.

By the way, if you’re interested, you can take a look at the Sunflower and our kids at www.southerncrosshumanitarian.org.