planting seeds (marcia)

at the risk of overposting my welcome, I thought I'd write in response to Leah’s posting on “How to Get a Date”. I don’t claim to have any secrets that I can bottle & sell or any great tips, but I did discover something recently. Those seeds you plant sometimes really do take root. They might just take a long time – a really long time to blossom.

For some reason, I’ve always dated a fair amount. I don’t think I’m cuter or more interesting than any other women. I don’t stand out in a crowd, I’m not very good at flirting, I’m not an extrovert (in fact, I don’t like a lot of attention). I guess what I’m saying is take what I say with a grain of salt – I’m no expert.

Clue and I actually met a few times before he asked me out. We first met over a year ago at a small dinner party – he didn’t ask me out then. He said he saw me again at another party last October – we didn’t even talk. Then last February (over a year after we first met) we met again at a speed-dating dinner – and he asked for my number.

Here’s the interesting stuff that you find out after you’re comfortably dating someone for while:

When we met the first time, both of us were dating other people. Because I was dating someone, I wasn’t focused on talking to the men only – I got to know both the men and the women there. I remember talking to Clue and thinking he was nice, good looking, interesting and very tall. I thought we had a good first conversation. I think it helped that I had just returned from an amazing hiking trip to Patagonia and had something fun to talk about. He says he remembers seeing “that look” in my eyes that told him I was interested.

Last October we were both at a party but I don’t remember seeing him there. He said I was in a different part of the room and at one point I looked over his way and he smiled and waved, but I either totally ignored him or didn’t see him (since I don’t remember this, I’m sticking with not seeing him). Anyway, we didn’t talk. What I do remember about that night is I pretty much sat in the same chair the whole evening and talked to different people as they came to me.

Last February at that speed dating dinner, I was sitting down next to Don (aka Don) and saw Clue out of the corner of my eye. Everyone else was standing and chatting – and there Don and I were…sitting down, talking to each other and being a bit anti-social. I didn’t recognize Clue when I first saw him so I was surprised when he seemed to walk directly towards me, sat down next to me and began talking. He re-introduced himself to me and then I not only remembered him, but I also told him some of the things I remembered him telling me about himself when we met a year ago.

In my non-expert opinion, I think it helped that I showed interest in everyone as well as Clue in the first meeting. He remembered that I had gone on some big hiking trip in some far-off land. And finally, whatever “that look” is, (I don’t remember giving him any "looks" – I think I was just genuinely interested in learning about him), it sent the right message. The second time we met (or rather, he saw me), it didn’t help that I just sat in one place the entire evening. I met a few new people and enjoyed myself, but I certainly didn’t put myself outside of my comfort zone. At the third meeting, I think I was just lucky. Lucky that Clue saw me and remembered me (he said he made a bee-line for me when he saw me – I love that!). And it certainly didn’t hurt that I remembered his story from a year ago.