The Child-Bride and Lot's Wife (Marnie)

At church I heard a talk given by a child-bride with her husband, who wasn't much older. Ok, they may have been more like 21 years old, but their "youngness" just oozed out of their mouths. After hearing about how they met and married - he pretended to be Canadian to "connect" with her - she got to the point of her talk. After hearing their love story, I had just about shut down to my "happy place" when she talked about something that was relevant.

I know! I was completely shocked!! Who knew a child-bride could come up with some wisdom??? I repented immediately for the sarcastic comments going off in my head and listened to what she had to say...because I needed it! Badly...and it really was an answer to a prayer. It was really very humbling. (And I'm being completely serious.)

This child-bride took her talk from Elder Jeffery Holland's address given at a BYU devotional last year, called "Remember Lot's Wife" - referring to the Old Testament story about Lot and his family.

The story goes that Lot, his wife, his daughters and sons-in-laws lived in Sodom. It was a really really REALLY wicked place. When he had some "angel" visitors come over to his house, Lot's neighbors basically threatened to break into his house and take them and his daughters and do to them what they wanted - and it wasn't to play Parcheesi! They wanted to do the most vile things to them and actually admitted it up front. These were NASTY people.

Well, the Almighty didn't take too kindly to that and felt it the last straw for Sodom and Gommorah (which was equally evil). Those angel visitors warned Lot to take his family and flee from the city because God was going to destroy it. Lot was only able to convince his wife and daughters to go with him. Before they took off, they were warned by the Lord to NOT look back at the city: "Escape for thy life; look not behind thee...escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed." (Genesis 19:17).

Lot's wife apparently kinda liked life in Sodom and because she turned around, she instantly turned into a pillar of salt. I'm sure it had to have been a shock to Lot and his daughters. The threat of being "consumed" (i.e., turned to salt) couldn't have happened very often - even back then in Old Testament times. But the temptation to look back to Sodom was just too much for Lot's wife. And POOF! She was salt...

Elder Holland sums up Lot's wife's predicament too well for me to attempt to summarize:

"It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind....it isn't just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future."

Elder Holland continues:
"So, as a new year starts and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterday however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future -- faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about Lot's wife is to say she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord's ability to give her something better than she had. Apparently she thought, fatally as it turned out, that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind."

And that, in a nut shell, is me!! I keep looking back right now. For some reason, I keep wishing for the past: wishing that my past relationship will somehow suddenly, magically change and be made perfect and I will get what my heart desires.

But it's not meant to be! I know deep down inside, it's time to move on. It's time to ditch this wonderful impossibility I keep thinking up in my head. I think it's hard because I haven't figured out why this particular guy was bad for me...why it was best for it to NOT work out? I often can tell after a few months after a break-up why I am so grateful a relationship ends. A sigh of relief often goes through my body when I think about who I might have married if I had had my way! God was wise and saved me from making some BIG mistakes by not giving me what I wanted!

But it's been months and I still can't figure out what was so wrong with this one? It seemed (and still seems) SO right!

And that's where I'm just not getting it. I say that I trust God - that I'm trying to accept God's plan. If I do, does it matter why it was such a bad situation? Does the Almighty REALLY have to explain to me the reason why? Shouldn't I just trust him? I mean, if I really did believe in God's Will for me - which is something I've been praying to do for 6 months now - does it really matter why it wasn't right? I should just know that God has a better plan for me. That the RIGHT guy - who isn't the last guy I've dated - is up ahead and I just need to keep trying, be prepared and have faith that God will send him in God's timing.

OH, but the temptation to look back is sometimes just too great and I forget all the logical reasons I've already processed (see above) and just wish that a Hollywood movie ending I've been dreaming up in my head will happen for me!

Silly girl. You'd think after all these years of being single I wouldn't be that bad of "hopeless romantic."

So now my new mantra is "Remember Lot's wife"(Luke 17: 32) I've complained before that I'm running out of precious time and by looking back these last few months I've been sabotaging myself!! I have GOT to look forward! I've got to stop wishing for the past because I know darn well that God will provide a better opportunity in the future, contingent on my faith in him. I can't give up now! I've come so far and changed so much these last 5 years! I'm so CLOSE I can feel it! I just need to endure and trust the only truly trustworthy person in my life: my Heavenly Father.

Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men - Especially the Single Ones! (Marnie)

In the true Christmas spirit, I decided to make it a goal to be nicer to the men in my midst - single or married. That includes speaking kindly of them and refraining from speaking when I'm NOT thinking nice thoughts about them. I've made this goal before, and it's time to do it again. I've even prayed to love them as a whole and try to show some empathy for their predicament - trying to understand women. And that is no easy task! I know we women can be very confusing to them. Heck, I find that I confuse myself sometimes from trying to sort through my own thoughts and feelings! Seems only fair to cut them as much slack as I think I deserve.

Christmas season is a mixed bag of feelings for me. I love going home for Christmas and seeing my family. I love the opportunities to get together with friends and hearing from them through Christmas cards. But there are other reasons that make the holidays hard.

One of those reasons is the constant reminders I run into of how alone I am. Sure, I am really lucky to have so many people and wonderful things in my life. And I know it! But life is not a Christmas Hallmark movie - the kind they play 24/7 during the month of December. I don't get a boyfriend/fiance by Christmas eve because of some incredible, out of the ordinary situations that can only be contrived by a female script writer. Curses to these women!! I suggest avoiding the Lifetime and the Hallmark channels completely in the month of December if you want to escape feeling sorry for yourself...You know it's bad when after watching one of those poorly acted, cheesy, completely unbelievable films you go to bed completely depressed about your marital status and jealous of a fantasy world.

Sometimes you need to protect yourself by avoiding those movies and just focus on the REAL meaning of Christmas - the birth of the Christ child that redeemed all mankind from sin and pain. Not many people remember the pain part! We are good at realizing our sins and getting relief through repentance. But do we utilize the atonement to heal our broken hearts? Our hearts that have endured disappointment, hurt from circumstances beyond our control, and loneliness that makes our hearts feel as though they will literally break? You don't have to be single to feel any of that. You just have to be human. But there is a special feeling of isolation for single women over 30, that no one truly understands unless they've been there before. But there is some relief.


And that's why this Christmas I've been really trying to focus on the gift of the Atonement that only comes from Jesus Christ. I've said it before, the only thing I really have control over in this life is my relationship with God. And what a glorious thing! I can make all the difference in the world on how much love I can feel from God and how much help and revelation I can get - just by making an effort. It really doesn't take a huge one, but an effort nonetheless.

And if I can feel that love and peace from God, I can surely be nicer to the male population and give them the benefit of the doubt - especially those that are in my dating pool. If I can see the best in them and keep a positive attitude, I know I can keep my heart and eyes open to finding that great man that is meant for me. I think we can keep ourselves from seeing what is really in front of us sometimes - jaded, sarcastic eyes don't see clearly at all. I must keep myself from doing that and if I can, I know it will pay off in the end.

So, single men in my dating pool: I extend an olive branch to all of you! I will no longer speak in generalities or stereotypical terms concerning your abilities to date or commit! I will recognize your goodness and kindness. And I will now believe that the kind of man I'm looking for - and need - is really out there and actually looking for me.


Starting now...

Statistically Speaking...(Marnie)

When I finally decided a few years ago to take the bull by the horns and really change my life and behaviors to improve my dating habits and abilities, I read a dating book that talked about the statistics of the possibility of a single woman marrying after the age of 30. We've all heard that saying that there is a better chance for a single woman over 35 to be killed by a terrorist than to get married. It's not that funny. At least not today it isn't.

The book I read gave numerous reasons why that statement is completely erroneous and how chances are BETTER for a woman in her 30s to marry because her dating pool is so much bigger because she can date so much younger or older than when she was in her 20s. There were multiple many reasons and I really felt like they were all valid and it gave me hope!

Plus, if you date on a regular basis, the chances of marriage is really just a matter of time. Statistically speaking, of course. Right?

But I'm an anomaly. I'm Mormon. I want to marry a Mormon man. I want to marry a Mormon man who is actually practicing being a Mormon! I've dated a couple of amazing men in my time - I don't settle for less. But when push came to shove, these men weren't ready for marriage. A few were so far from it I'm not even sure why I bothered to date them. But the thing was, each guy was amazing! A great human being that had so much to offer! Yet, they couldn't get to that commitment stage - and each of the relationships ended.

I know it's easy for me to analyze these men and lay blame on them and their inability to commit. (Heaven forbid they broke up with me because of some flaw in me!) But I've heard the stories of many fellow women in their 30s trying to find a quality guy to marry. And you think, well is there a great guy ready for marriage in his 30s? Well, no! If he was, he'd be married already!!

Now I know that there are men that have a change of heart, work through the difficulties, and somehow work through their fears and hangups and get to the temple alter. I've seen it! it's kinda like a four-leaf clover though...they are very much a reality but they are rare. And the chances of YOU being the one to find that four-leaf clover, well, that's just lucky! (sorry for the pun!)

And what are the chances that I am "that girl" that falls for "that guy that's finally ready for marriage" at the right time in the right place?? Statistically speaking? Not so good...

So what's the point? Some days I just don't know. But I have to keep trying. I have to keep the faith that there is a bigger plan for me than just believing in the statistics. I have to believe that this is all a part of my life experience that was SUPPOSED to happen to me, not happened by accident. I haven't met the "one" at the right time in the right place because it wasn't right. Thankfully, looking back at almost all of my past relationships, I can honestly say I'm so grateful that they didn't end in marriage. I'm much smarter about what I want and what I need in a husband. Unfortunately, that isn't taught to you as a child. It takes experience and risk. And then comes a lot of the hurt. It's all essential and necessary. And it takes time. Apparently for me, LOTS of time!

So, here I go...today I'll be depressed about the statistics, but tomorrow I've got to start believing again! Get my faith back! And TRUST that this is all a part of the big plan - no matter how daunting and impossible it seems. Because, as the scriptures say, "For with God nothing shall be impossible." (Luke 1:37) Even when dating single Mormon men over 30.

Alma - the War Chapters (Marnie)

Ever had trouble applying stories from the book of Alma (in the Book of Mormon) to your own life? I recently found that you can apply the war chapters to the world of dating!

Here's the scripture - Alma 60: 21-23. It's the famous letter from Moroni to Pahoran:

21 Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?
22 Yea, will ye sit in idleness while ye are surrounded with thousands of those, yea, and tens of thousands, who do also sit in idleness, while there are thousands round about in the borders of the land who are falling by the sword, yea, wounded and bleeding?
23 Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also.

You may think I'm a bit off my rocker to think that this applies to dating but it does for me. I just went through another disappointment. Nothing serious, just lots of casual dating that seemed to have SO much potential that ended with nothing. (And I lost out to another girl. I'm still shocked and amazed about that, but maybe that's just pride talking.) So the feelings I fight are disappointment, despair, anger at the male population, and just the feeling that I'm never going to find a man that I want who wants to keep me. It's a never-ending battle, but as time goes on, it gets better.

I'm proud to say that instead of my blaming God (which I'm prone to do), I've come out of this with the attitude that this guy just wasn't the right one. He was not in my plan that God has in store for me, which makes it good that he is out of the picture because now I can look for the right guy.

And I can't find the right guy without doing my part - which is where the scripture comes in to play. I can't sit on my butt and wait for "him" to come to me. I have to get back out there in the single world and smile and be the best me. But I can't be the best me until I'm feeling my best, which includes feeling good about my self - inside and out. And to make sure that I'm in a good place spiritually. I find my best relationships have begun when I feel like my relationship with God is going pretty well (i.e., I'm not mad at him for my current situation or circumstances). In this out-of-control existence I lead, the only thing I have control over is my relationship and attitude with God. And to me, it's about cleaning that inner vessel and working on making sure I'm doing what I know makes me happy. That's no easy task, but it's very necessary!

And if I'm ever going to be "delivered" out of this place I'm in and move to the next stage in life, I need to fight the urge to stay home and pout that the man I really wanted didn't want me. No good comes of that idleness and I don't want to waste any more of my precious time on behavior that doesn't help me. It's always a good time to take a risk and try again - especially when I really, really, really don't want to.

Why I've Been Missing (Marnie)

It's been months since I've blogged on this website. The few of you that still read this may have wondered, what happened to Marnie? Did she fall in love and get married? Like Marcia, Kris and now Leah? No. No I didn't. I did date someone for awhile, but it ended. I'll talk more of that in another blog.

But I did have a life altering experience that has distracted me from blogging. I moved and I've been trying to make some order in my new home. And I must admit, I've never been so preoccupied with my living space in my whole life. It's needed a fair amount of work - which has forced me to do all sorts of things I don't like doing - like asking for help, relying on others knowledge and assistance, making decisions based on what little experience and knowledge I have, and making really stupid mistakes while trying to fix the problem myself. It makes me feel completely out of my league and shoots me down to new levels of humility. I've often tried to avoid learning new things that have a very high learning curve for me - they tend to make me struggle to the point of frustration and I hate that (You should have seen the day I tried to wakeboard! DISASTER!!!). Nothing drives me more to crying than working on a home project that "should" have taken 60 minutes to do - according to the instructions – that really took 9 hours and 2 trips to Home Depot to complete and still not quite achieving the desired result.

But now that the worst of it is over, I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I took the risk - although I really didn't know what I was getting into - and I'm learning (slowly) to appreciate the journey as much as reaching the destination (a warm, inviting environment). My house isn't perfect, but then, nothing ever is. There are still lots of little things that drive me crazy, but I have gotten some things resolved and I like to focus on that.

I feel as though I married this house. The commitment level has been huge. Not only on the financial level, but I have had to put a lot of work into it. Tons. And sometimes the results are nothing what I anticipated or wanted. But I have a home that protects me from the world and keeps me warm (when I feel rich enough to turn up the heat).

I wonder if after you first get married you go through the same shock and frustration as I went through with my new home? At one point I wondered why I did it. I prayed about it and felt good about the decision and it all fell into place - but when the problems started to arise and I felt over-whelmed, I wondered why I made the plunge in the first place.

I also wondered why I missed some important realities about the condition of the place. I didn't see many of the details I should have when I visited the house those multiple times before I moved in. Once I had the place, all the flaws and problems seemed so GLARING! If I had seen them before, I would have had a better understanding of what I was up against. I wouldn't have NOT made the decision to get the place, but I would have been less surprised and disappointed with the realities.

Why was I so naive about the experience? If it I got an answer of "yes" to do it and it felt so right to do in the first place, why were there so many problems that had to be dealt with and why were they so hard to conquer? Several times I thought maybe I had made the wrong decision and I had dreamed up that good feeling before as an answer to a prayer.

I think I sabotaged myself on a regular basis because unfortunately, I always have a very good idea in my head of how things should go. Structure and order are one of the things that make me happy. And at times I felt like I was in a construction zone (I'm exaggerating of course) and had no routines. Living day to day and not really knowing what I was doing or what exactly what I needed to work on first because there seemed so much to do, left all my previous security I had felt go out the window. And when I don't feel secure, the little things like picking the right paint color seems as big as deciding whether to move to a different city or change jobs. It's almost like everything was magnified into being a bigger situation than it really was. I didn't see the eternal perspective (it's just a house for crying out loud!). It left me so discontented at times that I wished I'd never tried this new adventure in the first place. Crazy!

I wish I could say I'm in complete control now and that things are going smoothly and everything is in it's perfect place now that some time has passed. Nope. That's going to take much longer to do. But it is going much better. My patience has improved a little better - I can work on the house until 2am before I start crying from frustration as opposed to midnight. And my idea of how things “should be” has been completely shifted to "what can I live with?" Maybe this was a way for God to give me a small glimpse into how a real committed relationship is. I've never had one and no matter how many books I’ve read, experiences I’ve heard about or movies I’ve watched on people dealing with a committed relationship, nothing beats the experience.

But having this home feels good sometimes - really good. And then sometimes it's just one huge pain in the neck. Sounds a lot like a committed relationship with a man to me. Well, at least from what I’ve heard…

Lessons Learned in Sunday School (Leah)

I've been meaning to post for some time now. Over the summer I found myself listening to old BYU devotional talks. One was by Elder Ballard about womanhood. I was struck by the lack of feminity in my own life and vowed to embrace my divine nature as a daughter of God. I think women of today can and should do more to be feminine. I think I posted something like this before but now I have church authorities to back me up - too bad the talk was so long ago I can't remember specifics. So... on to a new topic!

Yesterday in Sunday School we discussed missionary work. The teacher put the following list on the board:
1) Not knowing how to start
2) Fear of rejeciton
3) Thinking they aren't ready
4) Don't have the spark
5) Overcomplicating it
6) Don't know any nonmembers
He said this was a list of reasons why he had trouble being a member missionary. He realized, though, after putting it on the board that it sounded like a list of reasons why he wasn't in a dating relationship. Everyone in the room acknowledged how right on he was. Earlier this year my ward got a new bishop. I struggled with his new push on missionary work. I kept thinking, doesn't he know our ward? Doesn't he know we're trying to get married and that we NEED to? Why is pushing missionary work when that's not our purpose as a ward? Over time I've come to the realization that if we worked on our missionary skills we'd also be working on our dating skills. This list only proves it. If we can get over all those hangups as member missionaries then we'd probably also be over them in the world of dating, and vice versa. It's all about taking relationship risks and being genuine. Essentially aren't we all on this earth to learn how to love others and be more God like?

p.s. In other news... I'm engaged. Phil and I are getting married very soon! But not soon enough. :)

What is Patience? (Leah)

Lately people have been coming to me for advice about dating. Phil and I have been dating a decent amount of time and enjoying every bit of it, but to the average female friend I've become a poster child for patience. Maybe so - I would have never said so. One thing I realized when trying to help them out is that I'm not the only one in this relationship that's making it successful. I know - hello - it always takes two to tango. My point is, I think if things aren't going well in a relationship it also takes two. I'm learning that you just keep going forward until the two of you can't go forward. If that stopping point happens before marriage you likely go your separate ways. If it occurs after marriage then you get counseling or at least do some serious talking and praying together. So I think patience is just being able to enjoy and appreciate the moment you are in. The trick is to want to strive for more while also being happy with what you have. I think that's a lot like what we have to do at every stage of the search - still strive to get married while not being miserable with where you are. Tough. I find that it's easy to be hard on yourself, critical, and demanding. At least some of the women I've talked to (and I can relate) feel like if things aren't going right then I must be doing something wrong. Last Sunday I realized that it's not good to be critical of yourself, but you also can't be afraid to advise yourself. That way you are striving to be better but not falling into Satan's trap of discouragement. I once received a priesthood blessing and was told to have charity for myself and others. That was real turning point for me. I need to have patience for myself as much as I do for Phil. Isn't the whole gospel plan about learning charity period? Not just for others. Well, anyway, I just wanted to share those thoughts. I'm truly blessed with good people in my life, but I'm especially blessed to have a loving Father in Heaven who is patient with me.

Setups and Mayonnaise (Marnie)

Back in 2001, I wrote this "article" for a friend's magazine endeavor. After re-reading it, I actually remember writing it and the experiences that inspired this article. Wow. Nothing like going down memory lane...I wish I were farther along than I am, but I'm afraid that some things haven't changed: I still HATE set-ups!

So, I thought I would share it with you:

“Setups are like a sandwich with too much mayonnaise”

If you’ve ever been on a set up date, you know the feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach when the ominous knock on the door happens by the guy you will have to spend at least 4 hours of your life with. You don’t know what he looks like, just a name. You of course, do a prejudgment with this important information…Dilbert Schultz doesn’t do anything for you…nor does a Mario Buccumbuso…yet, Brad Cruise or Harrison McConkie seems to spark something in you that makes you think, yeah, it could be “him.”

You tentatively walk to the door swallowing your gum (because it’s uncool to be chomping on a first date…that’s reserved for the 2nd date) giving a quick prayer that he doesn’t remind you of the kid that creeped you out in 8th grade.

As the door opens you look at his face and think silently (you hope) that you can’t be in that time of life where you are going out with a guy that looks THAT old. Yep, check the mirror, baby! You ARE getting old.

The first moments of the date are spent in spastic chatter while trying to act as casual as you can. You think, “Yeah, I’m calm…I’m cool, I’m collect…I’m rambling about my obsession with Coo Coo Roos.” So much for a great first impression.

The night is spent in trying oh-so-hard to “be yourself.” Yet you can’t pass up the chance to stress your finer points. “So what do you do in your spare time?” “I visit the homeless shelter and give blood when I can.” Sure, it’s true, but you conveniently forget that most of your time is spent in front of the TV. And of course, everything you hear out of his mouth, you judge to be a half truth – “yeah, surrrre you passed the bar the first time.” Nothing like pulling a double standard!

As the night draws to a close, you’ve both done your best to be as interesting as you can (so the report back to the mutual friend is that you were the better conversationalist). But as he drives you home as slow as physically possible (that “old guy” thing must really be true), the dreaded silence clouds over the car. You’ve already made a mental check-list in your mind of previous topics discussed. You’ve covered: his family, his career, his schooling, his hobbies, his mission, his favorite food, his favorite Nintendo game, his preferred toothpaste. Nothing is left. You dart your eyes out the window, looking for anything to talk about…ANYTHING.

“Yeah, that’s the Smith’s I shop at. It has better produce then Albertsons, even though Albertsons is closer to my house.” “Oh, you shop three times a week? Wow. That’s really interesting. I try to go only once a week. Saves on the bills. Oh, yeah. You don’t have to worry about that. You passed the bar.” Nope, not hitting it off.

You get home and get through the dreaded door scene. “Um, thanks! I really had a good time.” “We should go again sometime?” “Sure.” Could it be more awkward?

The roommates wait up and want the scoop. Did you like him? Well, he wasn’t offensive. Was he cute? He didn’t scare me, but then I wasn’t ready for him to touch me either. Did he make you comfortable? Are you kidding me? I didn’t let “me” be comfortable, it was a set-up! Do you want to go out with him? I have no idea…

The date had all the potential in the world…two seemingly normal people with a commonality of religion and apparently the same bad case of aversion to marriage. It should have worked! Yet the set-up was ruined…the moment I opened the door.

* This is not a true story although this article was inspired by real events. The gentleman is now happily married with 2 children. And that’s the way it goes…

Shopping for a Relationship (Leah)

Hmm, I tried to come up with a clever title, but I'm afraid I didn't capture my true message. Maybe it will attract readers, though, with its sensationalism! What I really want to communicate, though, is how finding a mate can be a lot like buying a house for the first time.

Over the summer three of my good friends have all bought their first homes. As a home owner myself it was interesting to relive my experience through them. When they'd come to me with different fears or stresses I was reminded of my own back in the day. It also reminded me of some wisdom I've learned about shopping for a house in relation to finding a mate.

When I first considered buying a home I went to my neighbor, Bob. He was a home owner and recently married a good woman - two of the big things I was hoping to do. I feared that by buying a home I would become stuck and less available for marriage. Bob assured me that by owning a home I would be more desirable to a man. He said he would have been more than pleased if his good wife had a home when they married. So I did it. And you would not believe this, but I got my first serious boyfriend (in years) right about the time I moved in. Oh how I loved that Phil - but then he moved and we broke up and you know how life goes. Truthfully, though, I've had a few Phils since and none of them seemed concerned about me owning a home. One actually told me that he considered it a huge asset - I think he loved me for my home.

Now let me share another bit of wisdom I gained from another Bob in relation to home ownership. This Bob was a newlywed when we were visiting one day. He was giving me advice on a relationship. He said that when men date it's a lot like house shopping. They look about and pick a home that they think is super. What makes them love that home, though, is knowing that others will want that home as well and it's a bit of a challenge to be the one that gets it. He said he was never tempted by houses that nobody wanted and that he could get for super cheap. I think he was trying to tell me that men like a bit of a chase - they want to feel like they work for her and win her. I've heard similar things from dating coaches so I think my Bob may have been right.

As for my own lessons learned in house buying, well, it was a real faith exercising experience. Just like dating, I felt like going forward in the looking and then negotiating required a lot of patience, confidence, trust, and out right luck. Just when I thought I had the perfect house things came up that made me question if I really wanted it. I also wondered if I was getting a great deal or if I was being taken advantage of. I've felt similarly in past relationships. When you start to feel more used than honored then that's a good sign to get out. I had to remember, though, that no house would be perfect. So when I am tempted to give up on things or find faults in Phil I have to remind myself of what I really want. In shopping for a house I didn't get the dishwasher I wanted but I did get the garage. It was a tough decision at the time, but I am thrilled by my decision, just as I know I'll be when I finally get my man.

Importance of Proof-reading (Marnie)

I mentioned before that I had decided to go online. I'm now on two LDS single websites. I've chosen LDSplanet and LDSSingles. I found LDSplanet to be a place where I attract men at least 10 to 15 years older than me. I can't tell you how discouraging that is! One email from a guy even said, "I wish you were younger! I'm old enough to be your dead." Yes, he typed "dead" instead of "dad." Even a better sign that we are NOT meant for each other.

I did find a cool feature that may cut down on communication from "older" gentlemen of that website. Under My Account, there is a section called "preferences." Under preferences, I can decide what age group can "view" me. Oh, it's a splendid feature!! I have limited it to 35 to 45 (I'm 38). That's the age range I'm comfortable with. Now, I am no longer getting creepy old guys sending me flirts like "love at first sight!" anymore! Now if they ONLY had that feature on LDSSingles...

LDSSingles tends to be more my style. I like how it shows more detailed information up front about the individual. I'm getting some emails from some guys my age which has been nice. One email asked me about my profile and wondered how I could hold a temple recommend if I said I never attended church. DOH!!! It appears that I failed to complete the profile and the default setting was "never attends church." It's been like this for at least a week and a half (when I first signed up) and for at least 3 emails I've sent out to potential guys that have not responded.

I since fixed it so it appropriately reflects who I am. I can only imagine what it would be like to get an email from a girl that is on a LDS website and specifically says, "never attends church." Not a good way to attract church going men - which I am looking for among other things.

So the lesson here? Double check your profile and proof-read! Oh, and change up the picture if it's not getting a good response. That helped too...