So after a few weeks back with Shep, things started creeping (okay not really creeping as much as barging in and pouncing) in that reminded me why we broke-up oh those many moons ago. Just for one example: when we went to dinner last week after discussing the menu and making choices, I left to go get us a table and utensils. When he brought the food there was only one order. His order. He didn't get that anything was wrong with this until I asked, "So where's yours?". To which he replied, "Oh! Did you … want …?". Now let me just say that if other big/important things were in place this could be viewed as quirky if not endearing on some level. It wasn't. Fortunately, we were able to have a long, open and honest discussion at the end of the evening that went much better than I had hoped. We came to an understanding, I love yous were said, and we were able to get back to where we were before deciding to give the possibility of marriage another shot.
The result of this for me has been surprising. It hasn't been discouraging in any way. In fact I've never been more happy to be single. I'm so happy I'm not married to him or any other person that marriage would not work with! I'm also very happy that I've maintained the friendship with him. It also made me appreciate Rod and I'm also very happy to have maintained that relationship and also happy not to be married to him. Like joyfully grateful.
I also got back in touch with my first date in high school this week. Where I come from asking someone to a dance in high school is a big production. This usually involves puzzles left on doorsteps, the discovery of live goldfish in your tub, and the like. To ask me to the homecoming dance Bob (as in Bob Dylan) stole a bus stop sign off the street wrote on it and left it with a tape recorded song about it on my doorstep. He and his best friend were our class hippies. Clean cut though they were. He was sensitive and sweet and went into a trance to try and contact Buddha at dinner before the dance. He was the first guy to hold my hand. It was so sweet to see him again. He hasn't changed except now his receeding hair is to his shoulders and he has a sweet wife and, I think, seven kids. What a divine soul he is and, again, how blessed and joyful I've felt to know him.
I've been so blessed. As of today (check watch) I'm very grateful for my life and where I am and the men I have been blessed to have in it. Is it possible I could stay in this state of gratitude and appreciation like forever? I really hope so.