Tuesday, November 25, 2008

MorMan? (Lorelai)

Just recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine concerning non-member guys. It was an interesting conversation. We both had experiences that bred the conversation.

Not long ago I was at the grocery store with DK we were in the chips section because DK is very fond of all things salty. And I smiled at the very decent looking man walking past. He smiled back. Later we were near the dairy and I see said man again and give him a bold, bright smile. I read in a book that you can find people even in grocery stores, even with your kid in tow. The guy smiled. In his cart three massive cases of Coors. Now he did not approach me or ask for my number but what if he had?

So on to the next experience. My friend, let’s call her Temple (as in Shirley) went to an all day self defense class. She met this really nice guy, dreads and all. The thing is that he approached her. He was nice and she used the word engaging in conversation. She said nearing the end of the day she felt that if she had put out a minuscule amount of effort he would have asked for her number but she did not because he is obviously not a member. And now that Temple is home without any method of communicating with this guy she regrets. Ok regret is probably too strong a word but feels disappointed. He was nice, socially capable, good looking, interesting and more important interested in her. To top of the conversation we had just spoken with a very well respected man who had joined the church many years ago for his then girlfriend. The man has a solid testimony and is honestly one of the most amazing people that I know.

So what am I trying to say here? I have no idea. I have never been one to tote the idea that dating non members is a good idea but my friend really wishes he had given that guy her number. What do you think?


Anonymous said...

I think you have to decide what's important to you. You definitely shouldn't go looking for someone that you know you ultimately won't accept if he doesn't change. I think you need to have some firm decisions about what you want before you date anyone. Then, just be honest. I dated a non-LDS guy from work a bit. We had been friends and both of us were set on marrying someone from our own religion. So we discussed early on that we'd just go out as friends and continue to date other people. Although it wasn't always easy to keep that boundary. And speaking of boundaries- physical boundaries seem to become an issue early on, as sleeping together is considered a normal part of a dating relationship in most people's world.

I do think non-LDS men are better and flirting and the "pick-up" scene.

So... this comment wasn't much of anything just basically rambling. :)

marcia said...

for what it's worth, my now husband Clue is a convert of five years. What I love about him is he is SO appreciative of me and he treats me the way we all want to be treated. I think some men who have grown in up in the Church tend to look for the all-perfect person to spend the rest of eternity with and are often looking for something better...that pot of gold. Clue has had some tough relationships and so when we started dating he felt like he won the lottery - not that I'm any better than all those amazing single women out there - it's just that he has a different perspective that makes him appreciate things in a way that is GREAT.

So I say, if you meet someone who has potential and who treats you right, give them a chance!

Scully said...

Lots of valuable relationships don't end up in marriage.

Lorelai said...

I totally agree with you Scully. I dated a few men before I got married that were not members. Most of them were wonderful men. I remember one guy who was devistated when he found out I was going on a mission and being called Sister. He is Catholic and thought I was going to be nun and for some reason thought he had something to do with it. Once I explained what I was doing he was actually really excited for me.

Marcia I think that is what I am going to tell my friend that people with potential deserve a chance. Be open and honest and just see where things go...

And as Parsley says it is all practice and she is a great flirter. I think she could win a contest.