crossing to safety (scully)

I was in the book store the other day in a rush looking for a birthday gift for a friend when I noticed a guy sitting behind one of the shelves. I thought he looked familiar—like someone I had dated in college. But this guy had totally grey almost white hair. Then he started speaking and I knew it was him. Zoinks! This was one of the few straight men at that point in my life who I got was actually attracted to me. He scared the hell out of me. He told me I was pretty. He was cute and clever. He was "yellow" I was "blue". I also remembered that I was extremely bugged by how he was unprepared for a date we went on once. If I don't get that a guy knows where he's taking me, how much money he needs, and what we'll do when we get there I get extremely peeved! This has not changed in the 15+ yrs since I went out with this guy. The same thing happened just this weekend. I think I have "Needs to be provided for and protected!" silk screened on my compass. If that's not heeded, I feel an overwhelming need to change course. I used to feel bad about that. Really bad. Not so much anymore. It's a need. A righteous desire if you will that I can't shake no matter how hard I try. Googley-eyed love does not conquer all. The ability to provide and protect is probably one of my #1 turn ons these days. A part of me wanted to talk to my grey haired college flame. I wanted to see how life had treated him. I watched him for a minute as he interacted with who I assumed were his two boys. I started down the "what if" road a bit. Then checked my compass and my watch and went on my way out the door.