Thursday, November 20, 2008
Game Playing (Leah)
Last night I visited with a friend who really likes a guy I'll call Joey. She's gone out with him for about four months, with off and on intensity. She'd like to be exclusive and they've talked about it, but he wants to date other people. (HOW MANY TIMES WILL I HEAR THIS?) Sorry, but that seems to be the rule for guys our age these days. Anyway, the interesting thing is that she really sees some great things in Joey. She thinks the world of him. She sees a side to him that most people don't. Isn't that how it always is when we fall in love? I know Joey, I think he's a good guy, but certainly not someone I'd ever want to get involved with - he has baggage you might say. Anyway, another girl-friend of mine had the opportunity recently to go out with Joey. She didn't not look forward to the date and had further proof after the date that she had no interest in him at all. His baggage was plenty apparent to her. But my friend from last night, she can see all that baggage but she also sees beyond it. In fact, she mentioned that she wishes he could show his truer self more often in public instead of the side that repels so many women. What just kills me about this situation is how lucky stinkin' Joey is to have my friend be able to see his full being and love him for it all. Why oh why does he insist on dating other women who would really rather not spend any time with him? He's only hurting himself. Why does he not see it? Why are we so blind in our own dating situations? I have no solutions, just frustration. Sorry. I told the friend last night she needs to make a concious effort to look elsewhere and WANT to date other men - for her sanity, as backup, and as part of the game. He apparently gives her a lot more attention when she gives him distance. He's classic "game" material. Anyway, I quoted her some of the wisdom I've been learning - how she needs to have faith that he will become the good man she deserves or some other man who does meet her needs will come into her life. She should not settle for the games this guy is playing - that automatically lessens his worth.
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4 comments:
Game playing is a tough thing in my opinion. We have to play the game but we don't want to play games. It is confusing. But I agree that guy should open his eyes and realize what he was before him. I think that about myself sometimes has the dream become more than my reality. Have I so blinded myself with what I think I want I don't even see right before me what I really need?
Top of my list for potential marriage partner = must have me as a top priority in his life. If not, they're out of the marriage consideration category and into another one. Friend, fun regular dates, moron, whatever. I can't tolerate myself hanging on/pining for someone to "eventually come around" and see how awesome I am. Smacks of desperation and faithlessness.
Can you really expect to be a priority, though, so soon in the relationship? I agree there shouldn't be the pining - and I hate the idea of being faithless, but I think it's a tough call to know when you're just giving the guy space to sort things through and when you're being pathetic. Of course it's definitely hard to know how "soon in the relationship" it is.
I also struggle with knowing when you really are a priority with a guy. I don't think a guy should drop his life and suddenly be all into you after a date or two - that smells of a controlling guy. BUT a man that makes the effort to ask you out consistently (whatever that consistently ends up being - once a week, twice a week, every other week) is worth keeping around. Its the one that calls at the last minute to ask you out or uses you for when he is bored or when you are just convenient...then you've got problems!!
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