All the sleep I've missed maintaining three dating sites is starting to pay off. I had my first date last week. I wasn't expecting much but was pleasantly surprised. I think I mentioned that I thought he was a little old for me, and I wasn't too impressed with his profile. I was thinking I could go and just check off the first internet date. I had it in my head that I'd be going out on quite a few dates before I was interested in someone. He surprised me. He was cute and very interesting. Honestly, it freaked me out a little. I realize you don't know a lot after a two hour dinner, but enough that I'd like to know more about him. He's out of town for two weeks, but he said he'd call when he got back. I also got a very nice "thank you" email from him the next day before he left town. So, we'll see where that goes in a couple of weeks.
In the meantime, I think I have dates 2 and 3 coming up this week. One is the first guy who called me. I was impressed with the conversation but then didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. Then last week he called a lot (mostly leaving messages). We finally talked a couple of nights ago and are, supposedly, going to lunch this week. The second conversation wasn't as impressive as the first. I like quirky men- I'd even say I'm attracted to a certain amount of quirkiness- but there is quirky/endearing and quirky/annoying. I'm not sure which he's going to fit into. Lunch will be interesting.
I'm looking forward to date three. He's actually the only guy I've initiated conversation with online. I just sent a flirt (I know, I hate when guys do that, but it worked). We've emailed a number of times and he asked for my number to get together this weekend. He's a triathlete, pretty cute from his photos, and has a nice humor that comes across in his emails. Well see...
So that is three dates, one from each of the sites I'm on. I think that is interesting. With all my judging of which site is best, they've all yielded a date in about the same amount of time.
On LDS Promise- I finally heard back from that guy I've dated before. He just thanked me for the compliments, returned them very kindly and continued with a regular email. I don't get it. His emails make me think he's interested in continuing communication but he doesn't seem too keen on going out. Whatever. I do think he is a nice, quality person. I don't think I have to date everyone that I'm drawn to. Sometimes the attraction means different things. So I guess I'll be OK being email buddies for a while.
Funnily enough (is funnily a word) I got sent a match of another guy I have a little history with. I met him online last fall. He called once, then nothing happened. I wasn't sure what to do with the match so I just let it sit. He initiated the normal process- sending prewritten questions by the dating site. I'm not sure if he remembers me or not. I would think that if he did, he would have just sent a message. Do I put a little personal note in one of my responses? Or just go through the process and see what happens? I've just left it hanging out there without a response for a few days. I'm not too motivated to proceed, but I probably will get to it eventually.
So there it is. I'm actually quite pleased with how it's gone so far which I guess is just one good date. But I'll take it!! :)
Showing posts with label Mormon internet dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mormon internet dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Various Thoughts on Internet Dating (Kris)
(When I started this blog, I was very clear that I didn't want it to become a forum for ragging on men. I want it to be positive, yet honest. So this entry is complaining a bit about on-line dating, but hopefully it's more discussing some frustrations. I'm still very open and positive about meeting people online.)
I've been surprised that the LDS Promise website hasn't been as fruitful as the others. At first it seemed much better, but I've had longer, more significant contact from the other sites. In fact, I have my first face-to-face (a.k.a. date) this week.
Which leads me to a point I want to make and, hopefully, not sound like the crazy bonehead who called Bridget last week. I think some people are on line just to feel like they are doing something regarding their dating lives, but really they aren't doing anything, just creating the appearance of doing something. I think there are many cases when "something" is really "nothing"- like my first two times on line. I knew I needed to be putting forth effort, but really wasn't comfortable meeting someone online. It can be the same with going to firesides, dances, whatever- you show up to feel like you're doing something, but once you're there you don't do whatever you need to in order to meet someone or put yourself out there. You (meaning me) go, not willing to do anything except be there, just waiting for a sign from heaven or hoping Mr. Right happens to sit right next to you. Or what about self-help books? You really feel like you're doing something, working on yourself, improving, but if you never get your nose out of the book, leave the house, and put it to use, it's just an excuse to stay home. I realize there are helpful books out there, and I'm not saying they can't help us learn and change. I'm just saying if you really want to change things in your life if may take more than posting a profile online and calling it good. Anyway, I feel like I meet men online and it goes to a point, then they disappear. Casual conversation is good, but it seems a lot of guys don't want much more.
Some guys are also really bad, or maybe just don't care, at the online approach. One guy sent me almost every flirt possible over a two day period. Ya- if I'm not responding to the first 5, I'm not interested! I'm not into the online flirt much. I usually just delete them and respond to messages. Maybe this is being too picky on my part. But if someone is interested, a couple lines shouldn't be too difficult and makes them much more attractive. (This is funny because I'm like this IRL too. I don't know how to deal with it when someone I don't know starts flirting with me; I just get flustered. I totally prefer the direct approach.)
Another surprising thing online is that I've realized, being almost 40, that my dating pool consists largely of middle-aged men. This was shocking. I look at these photos and think, "I'm not that old." I spent a few weekends ago with married friends that I've known since college and tried to imagine what the men would look like if I didn't know them. I couldn't do it. They just didn't look that old to me, even though I know they are. It's been an adjustment but I'm trying to be open to men whose photo look more like my dad than my date. :)
So the guy I'm going out with this week is also surprising. He's definitely at the upper age range of what I'd consider appropriate to date. Some stuff in his profile bugged me too, like he's specifically looking for someone younger. But you know, he started with a good email and made me feel interesting. Yes, I'm a sucker for flattery. We'll see how it goes.
I've been surprised that the LDS Promise website hasn't been as fruitful as the others. At first it seemed much better, but I've had longer, more significant contact from the other sites. In fact, I have my first face-to-face (a.k.a. date) this week.
Which leads me to a point I want to make and, hopefully, not sound like the crazy bonehead who called Bridget last week. I think some people are on line just to feel like they are doing something regarding their dating lives, but really they aren't doing anything, just creating the appearance of doing something. I think there are many cases when "something" is really "nothing"- like my first two times on line. I knew I needed to be putting forth effort, but really wasn't comfortable meeting someone online. It can be the same with going to firesides, dances, whatever- you show up to feel like you're doing something, but once you're there you don't do whatever you need to in order to meet someone or put yourself out there. You (meaning me) go, not willing to do anything except be there, just waiting for a sign from heaven or hoping Mr. Right happens to sit right next to you. Or what about self-help books? You really feel like you're doing something, working on yourself, improving, but if you never get your nose out of the book, leave the house, and put it to use, it's just an excuse to stay home. I realize there are helpful books out there, and I'm not saying they can't help us learn and change. I'm just saying if you really want to change things in your life if may take more than posting a profile online and calling it good. Anyway, I feel like I meet men online and it goes to a point, then they disappear. Casual conversation is good, but it seems a lot of guys don't want much more.
Some guys are also really bad, or maybe just don't care, at the online approach. One guy sent me almost every flirt possible over a two day period. Ya- if I'm not responding to the first 5, I'm not interested! I'm not into the online flirt much. I usually just delete them and respond to messages. Maybe this is being too picky on my part. But if someone is interested, a couple lines shouldn't be too difficult and makes them much more attractive. (This is funny because I'm like this IRL too. I don't know how to deal with it when someone I don't know starts flirting with me; I just get flustered. I totally prefer the direct approach.)
Another surprising thing online is that I've realized, being almost 40, that my dating pool consists largely of middle-aged men. This was shocking. I look at these photos and think, "I'm not that old." I spent a few weekends ago with married friends that I've known since college and tried to imagine what the men would look like if I didn't know them. I couldn't do it. They just didn't look that old to me, even though I know they are. It's been an adjustment but I'm trying to be open to men whose photo look more like my dad than my date. :)
So the guy I'm going out with this week is also surprising. He's definitely at the upper age range of what I'd consider appropriate to date. Some stuff in his profile bugged me too, like he's specifically looking for someone younger. But you know, he started with a good email and made me feel interesting. Yes, I'm a sucker for flattery. We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
So Far So Good (Kris)
This internet thing isn't half bad (this time). I've done it twice before, and really not liked it. I think the difference is my attitude. The first time I was on, I was embarrassed about it and nervous about meeting guys. I think I have a bit of an unnatural fear of strangers. I ended up only conversing with guys out of state, probably so I would never actually have to meet anyone. After two months, I deleted my profile. That was about four years ago.
The next time was a little better, but I still was only half committed to it. I emailed a few guys, went out a couple of times with one guy who was very nice, but not the guy for me. I was on about three months, then left. That was about 9 months ago.
This time, I just decided to go for it. No more fear. I really want to meet people and, thanks to Bridget, I'm not ashamed to boldly declare, "I'm online!"
I posted earlier how I wasn't liking some of the traditional sites. It's just so time consuming and I don't like the open profile set up. However, in the past week, I've started emailing at least one guy on each site, none of whom I'm super excited about, but they seem nice enough and we'll see how/if it evolves. Two of the three guys are out of state.
LDS Promise has seemed much more suited to what I'm looking for. I've gone through the whole question/answer process with one guy. He called this week and we chatted for almost an hour. It was refreshing. It seems the last few years I find myself thinking, "I just want to date an adult." When I hung up from this guy, I felt like I just had a conversation with a grown up. He seemed quite normal and was a good conversationalist. This was also refreshing. He really took responsibility for keeping the conversation going, asked appropriate questions, and answered in informative, yet not verbose, responses. Amazing. One other guy and I are about through the question/answer process. His responses haven't been very long, so we'll see what happens with a phone call. Both are local.
The other interesting thing that happened with LDS Promise was one of the first matches that got sent to me was a guy I went out with a couple of years ago. I had a really nice time with him and he emailed the next day to say he had a really good time too. Then... nothing. No second date. A few weeks later, I invited him to come to a group movie night and it felt a little awkward. That seemed to be the end of it. So, when I saw his profile pop up, I was excited. Trying to live in reality, I realize that there was a reason he didn't ask me out again which may not have changed, but I'm hopeful and wanting to explore it a little. I bypassed all the question/answer stuff and just sent him an email. We've emailed back and forth a couple of times now, and he is complimentary and asks questions to keep the email thread going. I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm tempted to just put it all out there and tell him I was bummed he didn't ask me out again. Or I could just send some hints in the email about going out and let it be his idea. I'm leaning toward the first option. Any advice?
The next time was a little better, but I still was only half committed to it. I emailed a few guys, went out a couple of times with one guy who was very nice, but not the guy for me. I was on about three months, then left. That was about 9 months ago.
This time, I just decided to go for it. No more fear. I really want to meet people and, thanks to Bridget, I'm not ashamed to boldly declare, "I'm online!"
I posted earlier how I wasn't liking some of the traditional sites. It's just so time consuming and I don't like the open profile set up. However, in the past week, I've started emailing at least one guy on each site, none of whom I'm super excited about, but they seem nice enough and we'll see how/if it evolves. Two of the three guys are out of state.
LDS Promise has seemed much more suited to what I'm looking for. I've gone through the whole question/answer process with one guy. He called this week and we chatted for almost an hour. It was refreshing. It seems the last few years I find myself thinking, "I just want to date an adult." When I hung up from this guy, I felt like I just had a conversation with a grown up. He seemed quite normal and was a good conversationalist. This was also refreshing. He really took responsibility for keeping the conversation going, asked appropriate questions, and answered in informative, yet not verbose, responses. Amazing. One other guy and I are about through the question/answer process. His responses haven't been very long, so we'll see what happens with a phone call. Both are local.
The other interesting thing that happened with LDS Promise was one of the first matches that got sent to me was a guy I went out with a couple of years ago. I had a really nice time with him and he emailed the next day to say he had a really good time too. Then... nothing. No second date. A few weeks later, I invited him to come to a group movie night and it felt a little awkward. That seemed to be the end of it. So, when I saw his profile pop up, I was excited. Trying to live in reality, I realize that there was a reason he didn't ask me out again which may not have changed, but I'm hopeful and wanting to explore it a little. I bypassed all the question/answer stuff and just sent him an email. We've emailed back and forth a couple of times now, and he is complimentary and asks questions to keep the email thread going. I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm tempted to just put it all out there and tell him I was bummed he didn't ask me out again. Or I could just send some hints in the email about going out and let it be his idea. I'm leaning toward the first option. Any advice?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
