Jumping In (Anne)

After the last relationship debacle with the Boy of Summer, I swore off online sites. That system is just not for me. If it wasn't going to work out with him, it wasn't gonna work out with anyone.

So I settled into my school routine, and still missed him every day.

Then last Sunday my visiting teachers came and offered the obligatory “do you need anything?”

And I mustered all the humility I could and said, “Well, a husband. More specifically, prayers for one.”

We shared a lighthearted laugh, but I explained that if my own pathetic prayers aren't doing the trick, I might as well enlist the help of people with more faith than I have. One of my visiting teachers asked if I was opposed to being set up, even if they didn't live in town.

“Why not?” I said.

So here I sit, 10 days later, and an email arrives from a friend of that visiting teacher. In normal circumstances, I would feel a combination of fear and excitement. This time, I felt a combination of fear and sadness. Because engaging in communication with this person feels like I've closed the door on the Boy of Summer, a realization that clearly I was not prepared for.

I had left that door half open, hoping every single day that he would change his mind. He's clearly not, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready for a rebound.

Even so, I mustered all the humility I could and wrote an email back. It might not go anywhere (let's be honest, I don't have a whole lot of faith in my track record), but I'm jumping back in. Opening my heart, making a friend, and trying to not hold the past against the future.

You've Got Mail(Bridget)

So, when I was on my mission in England long time ago....one of the most exciting times of day was the time the post man came to drop off the mail. Then, the mail we received was representative of love and support from home, from family and friends, and perhaps even a connection to ourselves,our self we left back at home. Now, fifteen years later,I find myself going to my laptop to see what kind of emails I have received, with the same hope. Every morning and evening, wondering if perhaps my one and only has sent me an email, he noticed my profile, he thinks I'm beautiful, he relates to a lot of things I've said, and he lives within twenty miles away and would like to meet and get to know eachother...the rest is history, we marry, we have a baby or two ( at least one at this point would be so welcome)and we become best friends and lovers,our bond growing stronger and more magical every year. Not too much to ask for? I don't think so, and I'm willing to wait for the relationship that can foster this kind of bond. Do I think that this will come from online dating sites? I don't know. Many times I find myself wondering if the logging onto the computer,hoping for this life changing email is more of a hindrance than a help? Because, along with the hope, comes a little sting of disappointment when there is no email, or there is an email,but its absolutely positively not the man that is going to be my one and only. (Thanks for the interest though,i'm flattered) Sometimes I think it would be a lot healthier for me if I erased my profile and stopped the antics, which sometimes feel to me like little more than trying to control something that just isn't controllable...the timing of when I will be ready to welcome the love I want into my life. And when the man that is going to give it is ready to give it. I'm on the fence right now...I am almost ready to just stop the online madness and perhaps live my life with hope, but eliminate the stings of disappointment,because maybe the online stuff is more of an illusion..an illusion that I'm doing something, at least i'm out there in some sort of way...i don't know, I'm not sure...whether i'm online or not, I ultimately believe that when its right,its right...and it will manifest..any opinions?

So Far So Good (Kris)

This internet thing isn't half bad (this time). I've done it twice before, and really not liked it. I think the difference is my attitude. The first time I was on, I was embarrassed about it and nervous about meeting guys. I think I have a bit of an unnatural fear of strangers. I ended up only conversing with guys out of state, probably so I would never actually have to meet anyone. After two months, I deleted my profile. That was about four years ago.

The next time was a little better, but I still was only half committed to it. I emailed a few guys, went out a couple of times with one guy who was very nice, but not the guy for me. I was on about three months, then left. That was about 9 months ago.

This time, I just decided to go for it. No more fear. I really want to meet people and, thanks to Bridget, I'm not ashamed to boldly declare, "I'm online!"

I posted earlier how I wasn't liking some of the traditional sites. It's just so time consuming and I don't like the open profile set up. However, in the past week, I've started emailing at least one guy on each site, none of whom I'm super excited about, but they seem nice enough and we'll see how/if it evolves. Two of the three guys are out of state.

LDS Promise has seemed much more suited to what I'm looking for. I've gone through the whole question/answer process with one guy. He called this week and we chatted for almost an hour. It was refreshing. It seems the last few years I find myself thinking, "I just want to date an adult." When I hung up from this guy, I felt like I just had a conversation with a grown up. He seemed quite normal and was a good conversationalist. This was also refreshing. He really took responsibility for keeping the conversation going, asked appropriate questions, and answered in informative, yet not verbose, responses. Amazing. One other guy and I are about through the question/answer process. His responses haven't been very long, so we'll see what happens with a phone call. Both are local.

The other interesting thing that happened with LDS Promise was one of the first matches that got sent to me was a guy I went out with a couple of years ago. I had a really nice time with him and he emailed the next day to say he had a really good time too. Then... nothing. No second date. A few weeks later, I invited him to come to a group movie night and it felt a little awkward. That seemed to be the end of it. So, when I saw his profile pop up, I was excited. Trying to live in reality, I realize that there was a reason he didn't ask me out again which may not have changed, but I'm hopeful and wanting to explore it a little. I bypassed all the question/answer stuff and just sent him an email. We've emailed back and forth a couple of times now, and he is complimentary and asks questions to keep the email thread going. I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm tempted to just put it all out there and tell him I was bummed he didn't ask me out again. Or I could just send some hints in the email about going out and let it be his idea. I'm leaning toward the first option. Any advice?