I would rather puke than listen to one more married person with a husband and 3.5 children tell me I should be grateful that I’m still single. I personally think that these comments should be outlawed. These insensitive individuals should have to pay some huge fine for their hurtful comment or at least spend a few days in jail. Because I didn’t marry their stupid husband or raise their rotten kids! Why should I be grateful to be single because they choose unwisely and created their own mess??
Unfortunately, they are completely right. But not for the reason they say.
I’ve found as I’ve made goals to improve my social life, work on my relationship skills, and even to get married (I’m on my third official goal now!! 2010 is MY YEAR!!), keeping the faith and trusting God has been REALLY tough. Just when I’m doing well, something happens and I seem to lose my footing and just start to fall apart. Sometimes I can stop it, but sometimes I just crash and burn…
We’ve been told to be grateful. I think it’s even a commandment. Well, from experience I know it helps me deal with my singleness – as crazy as that sounds. And remembering to be grateful helps me get out of that low place I find myself in.
Because on paper – discounting my hopes and dreams for a future family being unfulfilled – my life is not all that bad. I have a good stable job that I enjoy most of the time. I have a home and car that runs most of the time – neither are perfect - but they are a lot better than I thought I would have. I was blessed with a great family and parents that don’t give me any guilt trips about not living up to the goal of producing grandchildren for them – the one thing parents desire most when they hit 65 years old. I have great friends that keep track of me as though I am family – while I live far from my family. They have been the consistency a single person needs. Even as most of them have moved on and married, they still keep me a part of their life. And for some strange reason, they still want to hear my horrible, horror stories from my dating experiences. Go figure.
I think remembering all these things helps keep me positive about my future. Why? Because when you look at your life – really look at it – God blesses you so much. But you HAVE to recognize it. If you don’t see it, you can’t feel that love from God, which is so essential in dealing with the stresses of earthly existence. When I do take the time to realize how much I have and how much God has been a part of my life and blessed me, I am truly humbled and realize that focusing on what I don't have is not the point of it all and that it only makes me miserable.
Well, what if you don’t have a great job, or you are in debt up to your ears, live your life the very best you can every single day, and you are STILL unmarried? That seems even MORE unfair. But I can PROMISE you that if you examine your life, you’ll see how God watches out for you every day – how he helps you. Sometimes a whole lot in one day. It’s funny how quick we are to say a good thing is from luck or even from our own doing. We are very self-centered that way. (At least I know I am.) But if we take the time every day to recognize how God is in our life, we will appreciate everything so much more and will find that the void we feel – the lack of a husband and our children – won’t hurt as much. We’ll feel more love from God and will realize that he cares about every aspect of our being. And that he understands our pain and loneliness. And that he has a very special plan for us. Sure, we may not like our plan – or at least this part of the plan – but it is our own and it’s perfect for our progression.
Enjoying the journey is the hardest thing in the world for me - especially when the journey isn't what I planned. But appreciating what you have and recognizing the hand of God in your life while you go through the hard journey makes it a lot easier.
Pres. Henry B. Eyring tells of how he began a long time ago to write in his journey every single day about how God had a hand in his life and blessed him and his family. It changed everything for him. Well, I’m terrible at journals – but I’m going to do a 30 day experiment. I’m going to do what President Eyring did. I’m going to record every night how God helped me that day. Even if it’s that he gave me several green lights that got me to work on time when I was running late. My hope is that it will help keep me more grounded and help me give credit where credit is due. And most especially, help me find that happiness that only comes from feeling true gratitude for my life.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
One More Success Story! (Marnie)
No, I'm not engaged, but a close friend of mine is! I'm SO excited for her! It has been a really long relationship (we are talking many years). I know it was a tough road with lots of good times and LOTS of tears. But she made it and now she's getting married! She's my age and frankly, I LOVE to hear success stories about women my age somehow finding a good man finally ready to be married. It's wonderful! It gives me hope.
As much joy as I have for her, I mourn over my own situation. I remember so many of our talks over the last 13 years we've known each other - talking about the men in our lives, our difficulty in dating and the faith it takes to just keep going. She made it! I know she hasn't any idea how she got where she is. She just kept persevering.
But what have I done in those last 13 years? I've actually come a long way. A REALLY long way! And she'll even whole-heartedly agree with me! I've attended dating workshops, read multiple dating/relationship books, made multiple goals, which has resulted in taking more risks, conquering fears, getting out of my comfort zone and dating more than I ever have. I even dated a couple of really great men for a little while.
But then I look at her relationship and realize, even after all I've accomplished, I haven't even gotten CLOSE to a relationship that would end in marriage. I just couldn't seem to get there. She's covered so much distance on a road I've never gone on - heck, I don't even know where that road starts! It's like that road is a secret freeway, and I can't find the on-ramp to a serious relationship. I keep driving up and down the street frantically searching for that on-ramp and still coming up short becoming completely lost. It's not from a lack of trying or desire. Oh, how I yearn for it! But it hasn't been my turn yet.
I think I need a GPS.
I'm not sure what's in the water lately, but she is the fourth friend in my midst to get engaged/married in 6 months, which is just unheard of in my circle of friends. It's a miracle! It's glorious! And it's just downright depressing.
Yeah, I know...it's another test of faith. Another opportunity to decide if I'm going to trust God and keep going or spit on the ground and give up. It would be so easy to give up.
But I can't. So I'll keep trying. Trying not to be too jealous of her finally moving to another phase in her life and me being left behind to wonder and worry because I haven't even found a boyfriend yet - let alone a husband. And I'll try not to drown in the feeling that this just isn't ever going to happen for me no matter how hard I try. I've just got to fight that feeling! I can't listen to that voice in my head that speaks of my biggest fears. I just can't.
So I will just keep going forward with as much faith I can muster each day. And just like my newly engaged friend, I'll keep taking risks and be patient. And persevere. Yep, that's all you can do.
As much joy as I have for her, I mourn over my own situation. I remember so many of our talks over the last 13 years we've known each other - talking about the men in our lives, our difficulty in dating and the faith it takes to just keep going. She made it! I know she hasn't any idea how she got where she is. She just kept persevering.
But what have I done in those last 13 years? I've actually come a long way. A REALLY long way! And she'll even whole-heartedly agree with me! I've attended dating workshops, read multiple dating/relationship books, made multiple goals, which has resulted in taking more risks, conquering fears, getting out of my comfort zone and dating more than I ever have. I even dated a couple of really great men for a little while.
But then I look at her relationship and realize, even after all I've accomplished, I haven't even gotten CLOSE to a relationship that would end in marriage. I just couldn't seem to get there. She's covered so much distance on a road I've never gone on - heck, I don't even know where that road starts! It's like that road is a secret freeway, and I can't find the on-ramp to a serious relationship. I keep driving up and down the street frantically searching for that on-ramp and still coming up short becoming completely lost. It's not from a lack of trying or desire. Oh, how I yearn for it! But it hasn't been my turn yet.
I think I need a GPS.
I'm not sure what's in the water lately, but she is the fourth friend in my midst to get engaged/married in 6 months, which is just unheard of in my circle of friends. It's a miracle! It's glorious! And it's just downright depressing.
Yeah, I know...it's another test of faith. Another opportunity to decide if I'm going to trust God and keep going or spit on the ground and give up. It would be so easy to give up.
But I can't. So I'll keep trying. Trying not to be too jealous of her finally moving to another phase in her life and me being left behind to wonder and worry because I haven't even found a boyfriend yet - let alone a husband. And I'll try not to drown in the feeling that this just isn't ever going to happen for me no matter how hard I try. I've just got to fight that feeling! I can't listen to that voice in my head that speaks of my biggest fears. I just can't.
So I will just keep going forward with as much faith I can muster each day. And just like my newly engaged friend, I'll keep taking risks and be patient. And persevere. Yep, that's all you can do.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Dating Contract (Marnie)
My friend gave a copy of this to me awhile back.
Although the terms on this wouldn't quite fit all my particular needs, I thought it was the most revolutionary document since the Declaration of Independence!
If it were instituted in the single world, think of the awkward, painful moments we would avoid and how much time we would save! Oh, if it were only that easy.
It's fun reading...
Happy Dating!
Marnie
Dating Contract:
Upon this the ____ (day) of ________(month) _____(year), for the purpose of sanity, order and open communication, the following contractual agreement has been formulated.
Article I: Dating
At date _____(date number) there will be a DTR. At the said DTR, the status of the relationship will be addressed; including the status of: “We’re dating,” boyfriend/girlfriend, and dating exclusively.
Although the terms on this wouldn't quite fit all my particular needs, I thought it was the most revolutionary document since the Declaration of Independence!
If it were instituted in the single world, think of the awkward, painful moments we would avoid and how much time we would save! Oh, if it were only that easy.
It's fun reading...
Happy Dating!
Marnie
Dating Contract:
Upon this the ____ (day) of ________(month) _____(year), for the purpose of sanity, order and open communication, the following contractual agreement has been formulated.
Article I: Dating
For the purpose of clear communication of signals and fiscal balance, the woman will be responsible for the initiation and planning of the third date. If, at this point she isn’t very interested in the guy, then she can let the whole thing dissolve by simply not initiating the date.
If the third date is not initiated within 2 weeks of the second date, then the man should clearly assume the relationship is terminated.
At least every third “What’s up?” phone call is the responsibility of the woman. When one calls, the other should return the phone call as early as convenient, but within 24 hours.
No text messaging to each other unless one of the two is in church or at work; a real phone call is required. No text messaging on the date. While a phone may be taken on the date, it should be treated as if it were off or broken.
At date _____(date number) there will be a DTR. At the said DTR, the status of the relationship will be addressed; including the status of: “We’re dating,” boyfriend/girlfriend, and dating exclusively.
If you are hungry, eat! Eat a lot. If you are not hungry don’t order anything.
If a guy is taking you out for a second time, then it is obvious he likes you enough that he would like to kiss you. It is realized that good things take time. The woman will make a clear and defining gesture communicating that she wants a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or Oh Baby.
If there is any sudden change in the direction of the relationship, then honest expression of feelings, emotions and intentions should occur. There will be no leading on, mind games or wondering what in the hell is going on.
Any mutually agreed clause not previously mentioned or amendments may be entered here:
I ___________(state full name), the woman in the prospective relationship do hereby acknowledge and accept the term and rules of said dating game. Dated:______
I ___________(state full name), the man of the prospective relationship do hereby witness and attest to the agreement by _________________(woman's name) and also agree to follow all rules as stated. Dated: ________
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I Refuse to Act Like a Victim! (Marnie)
Why is it when we females end up liking someone we've gone out with, we suddenly lose all of our senses and scheme away on how we are going to "help" a man (or "trick," whichever you prefer) into wanting to keep us? In the old days, men approached the women and pursued them. It was up to the woman to either accept his advances or not. And when she accepted them, they ended up married within the year. Sounds so easy!
Today, it feels like we are using all our skills to get their attention, they ask us out and then we wait on baited breath to see if they ask us out again. For me it's probably because finding really great guys that actually interest me are hard to come by. So when I do meet one that I click with and I think, man, he could be a real potential, I hold on so tightly that he slips away. At least my past relationships seemed to be that way.
It's like I become the victim because he holds all the cards! He claps, and I dance - metaphorically speaking of course...
Well, no more! I caught myself playing that victim role this last week when I was talking to some girlfriends about a man who I just CAN'T figure out. Is he interested? What are his intentions? On paper we are dating - S L O W L Y - but we are still dating. Unfortunately, his actions don't appear to be more than just casual dating. Well, I have goals! And this year is no different from the last two years. I want to start a relationship and actually have it end up at the temple instead of being "over." And my pondering, contemplating and dissecting what he's doing and trying to figure out what he wants from me is just a waste of my time!
So instead, why don't I analyze our date for what I want instead of what he wants? Instead of trying to figure out what his intentions are, why don't I decide if this guy is really worth it? Sure, he's great! We have a fabulous time and I'm attracted to him. But do I really know him yet? Instead of me trying to impress him with all of my great humor and intelligence, maybe I should be deciphering him. I should be drilling him for questions of things I need to know before I can commit to a man. And if it freaks him out, away he goes! And good riddance.
The female in me hates rejection, but I need to buck up and just be ok with it. Instead of worrying IF he will call, why not worry about if he does call, what new information I'm going to glean from the evening? What do I have to lose? Nothing!
Now I'm not talking about interrogating him under a spotlight, but sometimes I think I worry too much about what they think of me, instead of what I think of them. It's time to work on some communication skills because frankly, I'm terrible at it when it comes to my associations with men. And even though he's a great catch, I have no real control over him falling in love with me. I can be on my very best cute, funny, deep behavior, but if he's not feeling it,"he's just not feeling it." (quote from Mr. Click when he broke up with me). And it really has nothing to do with me. It's just the way it goes.
So no more victim behaviors from me! Instead, I'm going to NOT take all this so personally. I'm going to enjoy myself and just try to make it a productive evening. You can tell a lot from a guy from his answers to specific questions. And I need to stop guessing how he would react to certain questions I'm too scared he'll take in the wrong way, and just ask them. Communication is essential to a long lasting relationship (at least that's what the books say) and if I can't communicate with a guy I'm going out with, he surely isn't the right guy for me.
I know, easier said than done. But if I say it out loud enough and drill it into my head - and let my girlfriends slap me across the face when I start acting like the whiny victim again - I just may be able to pull it off. Instead of thinking I have everything to lose, I'm going to BELIEVE I've got nothing to lose!
I've already said it before, I believe that God will send the right guy at the right time. I might as well be practicing for when he gets here. Who knows, maybe I'll find him sooner than I worry I will.
Today, it feels like we are using all our skills to get their attention, they ask us out and then we wait on baited breath to see if they ask us out again. For me it's probably because finding really great guys that actually interest me are hard to come by. So when I do meet one that I click with and I think, man, he could be a real potential, I hold on so tightly that he slips away. At least my past relationships seemed to be that way.
It's like I become the victim because he holds all the cards! He claps, and I dance - metaphorically speaking of course...
Well, no more! I caught myself playing that victim role this last week when I was talking to some girlfriends about a man who I just CAN'T figure out. Is he interested? What are his intentions? On paper we are dating - S L O W L Y - but we are still dating. Unfortunately, his actions don't appear to be more than just casual dating. Well, I have goals! And this year is no different from the last two years. I want to start a relationship and actually have it end up at the temple instead of being "over." And my pondering, contemplating and dissecting what he's doing and trying to figure out what he wants from me is just a waste of my time!
So instead, why don't I analyze our date for what I want instead of what he wants? Instead of trying to figure out what his intentions are, why don't I decide if this guy is really worth it? Sure, he's great! We have a fabulous time and I'm attracted to him. But do I really know him yet? Instead of me trying to impress him with all of my great humor and intelligence, maybe I should be deciphering him. I should be drilling him for questions of things I need to know before I can commit to a man. And if it freaks him out, away he goes! And good riddance.
The female in me hates rejection, but I need to buck up and just be ok with it. Instead of worrying IF he will call, why not worry about if he does call, what new information I'm going to glean from the evening? What do I have to lose? Nothing!
Now I'm not talking about interrogating him under a spotlight, but sometimes I think I worry too much about what they think of me, instead of what I think of them. It's time to work on some communication skills because frankly, I'm terrible at it when it comes to my associations with men. And even though he's a great catch, I have no real control over him falling in love with me. I can be on my very best cute, funny, deep behavior, but if he's not feeling it,"he's just not feeling it." (quote from Mr. Click when he broke up with me). And it really has nothing to do with me. It's just the way it goes.
So no more victim behaviors from me! Instead, I'm going to NOT take all this so personally. I'm going to enjoy myself and just try to make it a productive evening. You can tell a lot from a guy from his answers to specific questions. And I need to stop guessing how he would react to certain questions I'm too scared he'll take in the wrong way, and just ask them. Communication is essential to a long lasting relationship (at least that's what the books say) and if I can't communicate with a guy I'm going out with, he surely isn't the right guy for me.
I know, easier said than done. But if I say it out loud enough and drill it into my head - and let my girlfriends slap me across the face when I start acting like the whiny victim again - I just may be able to pull it off. Instead of thinking I have everything to lose, I'm going to BELIEVE I've got nothing to lose!
I've already said it before, I believe that God will send the right guy at the right time. I might as well be practicing for when he gets here. Who knows, maybe I'll find him sooner than I worry I will.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Child-Bride and Lot's Wife (Marnie)
At church I heard a talk given by a child-bride with her husband, who wasn't much older. Ok, they may have been more like 21 years old, but their "youngness" just oozed out of their mouths. After hearing about how they met and married - he pretended to be Canadian to "connect" with her - she got to the point of her talk. After hearing their love story, I had just about shut down to my "happy place" when she talked about something that was relevant.
I know! I was completely shocked!! Who knew a child-bride could come up with some wisdom??? I repented immediately for the sarcastic comments going off in my head and listened to what she had to say...because I needed it! Badly...and it really was an answer to a prayer. It was really very humbling. (And I'm being completely serious.)
This child-bride took her talk from Elder Jeffery Holland's address given at a BYU devotional last year, called "Remember Lot's Wife" - referring to the Old Testament story about Lot and his family.
The story goes that Lot, his wife, his daughters and sons-in-laws lived in Sodom. It was a really really REALLY wicked place. When he had some "angel" visitors come over to his house, Lot's neighbors basically threatened to break into his house and take them and his daughters and do to them what they wanted - and it wasn't to play Parcheesi! They wanted to do the most vile things to them and actually admitted it up front. These were NASTY people.
Well, the Almighty didn't take too kindly to that and felt it the last straw for Sodom and Gommorah (which was equally evil). Those angel visitors warned Lot to take his family and flee from the city because God was going to destroy it. Lot was only able to convince his wife and daughters to go with him. Before they took off, they were warned by the Lord to NOT look back at the city: "Escape for thy life; look not behind thee...escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed." (Genesis 19:17).
Lot's wife apparently kinda liked life in Sodom and because she turned around, she instantly turned into a pillar of salt. I'm sure it had to have been a shock to Lot and his daughters. The threat of being "consumed" (i.e., turned to salt) couldn't have happened very often - even back then in Old Testament times. But the temptation to look back to Sodom was just too much for Lot's wife. And POOF! She was salt...
Elder Holland sums up Lot's wife's predicament too well for me to attempt to summarize:
"It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind....it isn't just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future."
Elder Holland continues:
"So, as a new year starts and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterday however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future -- faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about Lot's wife is to say she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord's ability to give her something better than she had. Apparently she thought, fatally as it turned out, that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind."
And that, in a nut shell, is me!! I keep looking back right now. For some reason, I keep wishing for the past: wishing that my past relationship will somehow suddenly, magically change and be made perfect and I will get what my heart desires.
But it's not meant to be! I know deep down inside, it's time to move on. It's time to ditch this wonderful impossibility I keep thinking up in my head. I think it's hard because I haven't figured out why this particular guy was bad for me...why it was best for it to NOT work out? I often can tell after a few months after a break-up why I am so grateful a relationship ends. A sigh of relief often goes through my body when I think about who I might have married if I had had my way! God was wise and saved me from making some BIG mistakes by not giving me what I wanted!
But it's been months and I still can't figure out what was so wrong with this one? It seemed (and still seems) SO right!
And that's where I'm just not getting it. I say that I trust God - that I'm trying to accept God's plan. If I do, does it matter why it was such a bad situation? Does the Almighty REALLY have to explain to me the reason why? Shouldn't I just trust him? I mean, if I really did believe in God's Will for me - which is something I've been praying to do for 6 months now - does it really matter why it wasn't right? I should just know that God has a better plan for me. That the RIGHT guy - who isn't the last guy I've dated - is up ahead and I just need to keep trying, be prepared and have faith that God will send him in God's timing.
OH, but the temptation to look back is sometimes just too great and I forget all the logical reasons I've already processed (see above) and just wish that a Hollywood movie ending I've been dreaming up in my head will happen for me!
Silly girl. You'd think after all these years of being single I wouldn't be that bad of "hopeless romantic."
So now my new mantra is "Remember Lot's wife"(Luke 17: 32) I've complained before that I'm running out of precious time and by looking back these last few months I've been sabotaging myself!! I have GOT to look forward! I've got to stop wishing for the past because I know darn well that God will provide a better opportunity in the future, contingent on my faith in him. I can't give up now! I've come so far and changed so much these last 5 years! I'm so CLOSE I can feel it! I just need to endure and trust the only truly trustworthy person in my life: my Heavenly Father.
I know! I was completely shocked!! Who knew a child-bride could come up with some wisdom??? I repented immediately for the sarcastic comments going off in my head and listened to what she had to say...because I needed it! Badly...and it really was an answer to a prayer. It was really very humbling. (And I'm being completely serious.)
This child-bride took her talk from Elder Jeffery Holland's address given at a BYU devotional last year, called "Remember Lot's Wife" - referring to the Old Testament story about Lot and his family.
The story goes that Lot, his wife, his daughters and sons-in-laws lived in Sodom. It was a really really REALLY wicked place. When he had some "angel" visitors come over to his house, Lot's neighbors basically threatened to break into his house and take them and his daughters and do to them what they wanted - and it wasn't to play Parcheesi! They wanted to do the most vile things to them and actually admitted it up front. These were NASTY people.
Well, the Almighty didn't take too kindly to that and felt it the last straw for Sodom and Gommorah (which was equally evil). Those angel visitors warned Lot to take his family and flee from the city because God was going to destroy it. Lot was only able to convince his wife and daughters to go with him. Before they took off, they were warned by the Lord to NOT look back at the city: "Escape for thy life; look not behind thee...escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed." (Genesis 19:17).
Lot's wife apparently kinda liked life in Sodom and because she turned around, she instantly turned into a pillar of salt. I'm sure it had to have been a shock to Lot and his daughters. The threat of being "consumed" (i.e., turned to salt) couldn't have happened very often - even back then in Old Testament times. But the temptation to look back to Sodom was just too much for Lot's wife. And POOF! She was salt...
Elder Holland sums up Lot's wife's predicament too well for me to attempt to summarize:
"It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind....it isn't just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future."
Elder Holland continues:
"So, as a new year starts and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterday however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future -- faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about Lot's wife is to say she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord's ability to give her something better than she had. Apparently she thought, fatally as it turned out, that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind."
And that, in a nut shell, is me!! I keep looking back right now. For some reason, I keep wishing for the past: wishing that my past relationship will somehow suddenly, magically change and be made perfect and I will get what my heart desires.
But it's not meant to be! I know deep down inside, it's time to move on. It's time to ditch this wonderful impossibility I keep thinking up in my head. I think it's hard because I haven't figured out why this particular guy was bad for me...why it was best for it to NOT work out? I often can tell after a few months after a break-up why I am so grateful a relationship ends. A sigh of relief often goes through my body when I think about who I might have married if I had had my way! God was wise and saved me from making some BIG mistakes by not giving me what I wanted!
But it's been months and I still can't figure out what was so wrong with this one? It seemed (and still seems) SO right!
And that's where I'm just not getting it. I say that I trust God - that I'm trying to accept God's plan. If I do, does it matter why it was such a bad situation? Does the Almighty REALLY have to explain to me the reason why? Shouldn't I just trust him? I mean, if I really did believe in God's Will for me - which is something I've been praying to do for 6 months now - does it really matter why it wasn't right? I should just know that God has a better plan for me. That the RIGHT guy - who isn't the last guy I've dated - is up ahead and I just need to keep trying, be prepared and have faith that God will send him in God's timing.
OH, but the temptation to look back is sometimes just too great and I forget all the logical reasons I've already processed (see above) and just wish that a Hollywood movie ending I've been dreaming up in my head will happen for me!
Silly girl. You'd think after all these years of being single I wouldn't be that bad of "hopeless romantic."
So now my new mantra is "Remember Lot's wife"(Luke 17: 32) I've complained before that I'm running out of precious time and by looking back these last few months I've been sabotaging myself!! I have GOT to look forward! I've got to stop wishing for the past because I know darn well that God will provide a better opportunity in the future, contingent on my faith in him. I can't give up now! I've come so far and changed so much these last 5 years! I'm so CLOSE I can feel it! I just need to endure and trust the only truly trustworthy person in my life: my Heavenly Father.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men - Especially the Single Ones! (Marnie)
In the true Christmas spirit, I decided to make it a goal to be nicer to the men in my midst - single or married. That includes speaking kindly of them and refraining from speaking when I'm NOT thinking nice thoughts about them. I've made this goal before, and it's time to do it again. I've even prayed to love them as a whole and try to show some empathy for their predicament - trying to understand women. And that is no easy task! I know we women can be very confusing to them. Heck, I find that I confuse myself sometimes from trying to sort through my own thoughts and feelings! Seems only fair to cut them as much slack as I think I deserve.
Christmas season is a mixed bag of feelings for me. I love going home for Christmas and seeing my family. I love the opportunities to get together with friends and hearing from them through Christmas cards. But there are other reasons that make the holidays hard.
One of those reasons is the constant reminders I run into of how alone I am. Sure, I am really lucky to have so many people and wonderful things in my life. And I know it! But life is not a Christmas Hallmark movie - the kind they play 24/7 during the month of December. I don't get a boyfriend/fiance by Christmas eve because of some incredible, out of the ordinary situations that can only be contrived by a female script writer. Curses to these women!! I suggest avoiding the Lifetime and the Hallmark channels completely in the month of December if you want to escape feeling sorry for yourself...You know it's bad when after watching one of those poorly acted, cheesy, completely unbelievable films you go to bed completely depressed about your marital status and jealous of a fantasy world.
Sometimes you need to protect yourself by avoiding those movies and just focus on the REAL meaning of Christmas - the birth of the Christ child that redeemed all mankind from sin and pain. Not many people remember the pain part! We are good at realizing our sins and getting relief through repentance. But do we utilize the atonement to heal our broken hearts? Our hearts that have endured disappointment, hurt from circumstances beyond our control, and loneliness that makes our hearts feel as though they will literally break? You don't have to be single to feel any of that. You just have to be human. But there is a special feeling of isolation for single women over 30, that no one truly understands unless they've been there before. But there is some relief.
And that's why this Christmas I've been really trying to focus on the gift of the Atonement that only comes from Jesus Christ. I've said it before, the only thing I really have control over in this life is my relationship with God. And what a glorious thing! I can make all the difference in the world on how much love I can feel from God and how much help and revelation I can get - just by making an effort. It really doesn't take a huge one, but an effort nonetheless.
And if I can feel that love and peace from God, I can surely be nicer to the male population and give them the benefit of the doubt - especially those that are in my dating pool. If I can see the best in them and keep a positive attitude, I know I can keep my heart and eyes open to finding that great man that is meant for me. I think we can keep ourselves from seeing what is really in front of us sometimes - jaded, sarcastic eyes don't see clearly at all. I must keep myself from doing that and if I can, I know it will pay off in the end.
So, single men in my dating pool: I extend an olive branch to all of you! I will no longer speak in generalities or stereotypical terms concerning your abilities to date or commit! I will recognize your goodness and kindness. And I will now believe that the kind of man I'm looking for - and need - is really out there and actually looking for me.
Starting now...
Christmas season is a mixed bag of feelings for me. I love going home for Christmas and seeing my family. I love the opportunities to get together with friends and hearing from them through Christmas cards. But there are other reasons that make the holidays hard.
One of those reasons is the constant reminders I run into of how alone I am. Sure, I am really lucky to have so many people and wonderful things in my life. And I know it! But life is not a Christmas Hallmark movie - the kind they play 24/7 during the month of December. I don't get a boyfriend/fiance by Christmas eve because of some incredible, out of the ordinary situations that can only be contrived by a female script writer. Curses to these women!! I suggest avoiding the Lifetime and the Hallmark channels completely in the month of December if you want to escape feeling sorry for yourself...You know it's bad when after watching one of those poorly acted, cheesy, completely unbelievable films you go to bed completely depressed about your marital status and jealous of a fantasy world.
Sometimes you need to protect yourself by avoiding those movies and just focus on the REAL meaning of Christmas - the birth of the Christ child that redeemed all mankind from sin and pain. Not many people remember the pain part! We are good at realizing our sins and getting relief through repentance. But do we utilize the atonement to heal our broken hearts? Our hearts that have endured disappointment, hurt from circumstances beyond our control, and loneliness that makes our hearts feel as though they will literally break? You don't have to be single to feel any of that. You just have to be human. But there is a special feeling of isolation for single women over 30, that no one truly understands unless they've been there before. But there is some relief.
And that's why this Christmas I've been really trying to focus on the gift of the Atonement that only comes from Jesus Christ. I've said it before, the only thing I really have control over in this life is my relationship with God. And what a glorious thing! I can make all the difference in the world on how much love I can feel from God and how much help and revelation I can get - just by making an effort. It really doesn't take a huge one, but an effort nonetheless.
And if I can feel that love and peace from God, I can surely be nicer to the male population and give them the benefit of the doubt - especially those that are in my dating pool. If I can see the best in them and keep a positive attitude, I know I can keep my heart and eyes open to finding that great man that is meant for me. I think we can keep ourselves from seeing what is really in front of us sometimes - jaded, sarcastic eyes don't see clearly at all. I must keep myself from doing that and if I can, I know it will pay off in the end.
So, single men in my dating pool: I extend an olive branch to all of you! I will no longer speak in generalities or stereotypical terms concerning your abilities to date or commit! I will recognize your goodness and kindness. And I will now believe that the kind of man I'm looking for - and need - is really out there and actually looking for me.
Starting now...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Statistically Speaking...(Marnie)
When I finally decided a few years ago to take the bull by the horns and really change my life and behaviors to improve my dating habits and abilities, I read a dating book that talked about the statistics of the possibility of a single woman marrying after the age of 30. We've all heard that saying that there is a better chance for a single woman over 35 to be killed by a terrorist than to get married. It's not that funny. At least not today it isn't.
The book I read gave numerous reasons why that statement is completely erroneous and how chances are BETTER for a woman in her 30s to marry because her dating pool is so much bigger because she can date so much younger or older than when she was in her 20s. There were multiple many reasons and I really felt like they were all valid and it gave me hope!
Plus, if you date on a regular basis, the chances of marriage is really just a matter of time. Statistically speaking, of course. Right?
But I'm an anomaly. I'm Mormon. I want to marry a Mormon man. I want to marry a Mormon man who is actually practicing being a Mormon! I've dated a couple of amazing men in my time - I don't settle for less. But when push came to shove, these men weren't ready for marriage. A few were so far from it I'm not even sure why I bothered to date them. But the thing was, each guy was amazing! A great human being that had so much to offer! Yet, they couldn't get to that commitment stage - and each of the relationships ended.
I know it's easy for me to analyze these men and lay blame on them and their inability to commit. (Heaven forbid they broke up with me because of some flaw in me!) But I've heard the stories of many fellow women in their 30s trying to find a quality guy to marry. And you think, well is there a great guy ready for marriage in his 30s? Well, no! If he was, he'd be married already!!
Now I know that there are men that have a change of heart, work through the difficulties, and somehow work through their fears and hangups and get to the temple alter. I've seen it! it's kinda like a four-leaf clover though...they are very much a reality but they are rare. And the chances of YOU being the one to find that four-leaf clover, well, that's just lucky! (sorry for the pun!)
And what are the chances that I am "that girl" that falls for "that guy that's finally ready for marriage" at the right time in the right place?? Statistically speaking? Not so good...
So what's the point? Some days I just don't know. But I have to keep trying. I have to keep the faith that there is a bigger plan for me than just believing in the statistics. I have to believe that this is all a part of my life experience that was SUPPOSED to happen to me, not happened by accident. I haven't met the "one" at the right time in the right place because it wasn't right. Thankfully, looking back at almost all of my past relationships, I can honestly say I'm so grateful that they didn't end in marriage. I'm much smarter about what I want and what I need in a husband. Unfortunately, that isn't taught to you as a child. It takes experience and risk. And then comes a lot of the hurt. It's all essential and necessary. And it takes time. Apparently for me, LOTS of time!
So, here I go...today I'll be depressed about the statistics, but tomorrow I've got to start believing again! Get my faith back! And TRUST that this is all a part of the big plan - no matter how daunting and impossible it seems. Because, as the scriptures say, "For with God nothing shall be impossible." (Luke 1:37) Even when dating single Mormon men over 30.
The book I read gave numerous reasons why that statement is completely erroneous and how chances are BETTER for a woman in her 30s to marry because her dating pool is so much bigger because she can date so much younger or older than when she was in her 20s. There were multiple many reasons and I really felt like they were all valid and it gave me hope!
Plus, if you date on a regular basis, the chances of marriage is really just a matter of time. Statistically speaking, of course. Right?
But I'm an anomaly. I'm Mormon. I want to marry a Mormon man. I want to marry a Mormon man who is actually practicing being a Mormon! I've dated a couple of amazing men in my time - I don't settle for less. But when push came to shove, these men weren't ready for marriage. A few were so far from it I'm not even sure why I bothered to date them. But the thing was, each guy was amazing! A great human being that had so much to offer! Yet, they couldn't get to that commitment stage - and each of the relationships ended.
I know it's easy for me to analyze these men and lay blame on them and their inability to commit. (Heaven forbid they broke up with me because of some flaw in me!) But I've heard the stories of many fellow women in their 30s trying to find a quality guy to marry. And you think, well is there a great guy ready for marriage in his 30s? Well, no! If he was, he'd be married already!!
Now I know that there are men that have a change of heart, work through the difficulties, and somehow work through their fears and hangups and get to the temple alter. I've seen it! it's kinda like a four-leaf clover though...they are very much a reality but they are rare. And the chances of YOU being the one to find that four-leaf clover, well, that's just lucky! (sorry for the pun!)
And what are the chances that I am "that girl" that falls for "that guy that's finally ready for marriage" at the right time in the right place?? Statistically speaking? Not so good...
So what's the point? Some days I just don't know. But I have to keep trying. I have to keep the faith that there is a bigger plan for me than just believing in the statistics. I have to believe that this is all a part of my life experience that was SUPPOSED to happen to me, not happened by accident. I haven't met the "one" at the right time in the right place because it wasn't right. Thankfully, looking back at almost all of my past relationships, I can honestly say I'm so grateful that they didn't end in marriage. I'm much smarter about what I want and what I need in a husband. Unfortunately, that isn't taught to you as a child. It takes experience and risk. And then comes a lot of the hurt. It's all essential and necessary. And it takes time. Apparently for me, LOTS of time!
So, here I go...today I'll be depressed about the statistics, but tomorrow I've got to start believing again! Get my faith back! And TRUST that this is all a part of the big plan - no matter how daunting and impossible it seems. Because, as the scriptures say, "For with God nothing shall be impossible." (Luke 1:37) Even when dating single Mormon men over 30.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Alma - the War Chapters (Marnie)
Ever had trouble applying stories from the book of Alma (in the Book of Mormon) to your own life? I recently found that you can apply the war chapters to the world of dating!
Here's the scripture - Alma 60: 21-23. It's the famous letter from Moroni to Pahoran:
21 Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?
22 Yea, will ye sit in idleness while ye are surrounded with thousands of those, yea, and tens of thousands, who do also sit in idleness, while there are thousands round about in the borders of the land who are falling by the sword, yea, wounded and bleeding?
23 Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also.
You may think I'm a bit off my rocker to think that this applies to dating but it does for me. I just went through another disappointment. Nothing serious, just lots of casual dating that seemed to have SO much potential that ended with nothing. (And I lost out to another girl. I'm still shocked and amazed about that, but maybe that's just pride talking.) So the feelings I fight are disappointment, despair, anger at the male population, and just the feeling that I'm never going to find a man that I want who wants to keep me. It's a never-ending battle, but as time goes on, it gets better.
I'm proud to say that instead of my blaming God (which I'm prone to do), I've come out of this with the attitude that this guy just wasn't the right one. He was not in my plan that God has in store for me, which makes it good that he is out of the picture because now I can look for the right guy.
And I can't find the right guy without doing my part - which is where the scripture comes in to play. I can't sit on my butt and wait for "him" to come to me. I have to get back out there in the single world and smile and be the best me. But I can't be the best me until I'm feeling my best, which includes feeling good about my self - inside and out. And to make sure that I'm in a good place spiritually. I find my best relationships have begun when I feel like my relationship with God is going pretty well (i.e., I'm not mad at him for my current situation or circumstances). In this out-of-control existence I lead, the only thing I have control over is my relationship and attitude with God. And to me, it's about cleaning that inner vessel and working on making sure I'm doing what I know makes me happy. That's no easy task, but it's very necessary!
And if I'm ever going to be "delivered" out of this place I'm in and move to the next stage in life, I need to fight the urge to stay home and pout that the man I really wanted didn't want me. No good comes of that idleness and I don't want to waste any more of my precious time on behavior that doesn't help me. It's always a good time to take a risk and try again - especially when I really, really, really don't want to.
Here's the scripture - Alma 60: 21-23. It's the famous letter from Moroni to Pahoran:
21 Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?
22 Yea, will ye sit in idleness while ye are surrounded with thousands of those, yea, and tens of thousands, who do also sit in idleness, while there are thousands round about in the borders of the land who are falling by the sword, yea, wounded and bleeding?
23 Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also.
You may think I'm a bit off my rocker to think that this applies to dating but it does for me. I just went through another disappointment. Nothing serious, just lots of casual dating that seemed to have SO much potential that ended with nothing. (And I lost out to another girl. I'm still shocked and amazed about that, but maybe that's just pride talking.) So the feelings I fight are disappointment, despair, anger at the male population, and just the feeling that I'm never going to find a man that I want who wants to keep me. It's a never-ending battle, but as time goes on, it gets better.
I'm proud to say that instead of my blaming God (which I'm prone to do), I've come out of this with the attitude that this guy just wasn't the right one. He was not in my plan that God has in store for me, which makes it good that he is out of the picture because now I can look for the right guy.
And I can't find the right guy without doing my part - which is where the scripture comes in to play. I can't sit on my butt and wait for "him" to come to me. I have to get back out there in the single world and smile and be the best me. But I can't be the best me until I'm feeling my best, which includes feeling good about my self - inside and out. And to make sure that I'm in a good place spiritually. I find my best relationships have begun when I feel like my relationship with God is going pretty well (i.e., I'm not mad at him for my current situation or circumstances). In this out-of-control existence I lead, the only thing I have control over is my relationship and attitude with God. And to me, it's about cleaning that inner vessel and working on making sure I'm doing what I know makes me happy. That's no easy task, but it's very necessary!
And if I'm ever going to be "delivered" out of this place I'm in and move to the next stage in life, I need to fight the urge to stay home and pout that the man I really wanted didn't want me. No good comes of that idleness and I don't want to waste any more of my precious time on behavior that doesn't help me. It's always a good time to take a risk and try again - especially when I really, really, really don't want to.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Why I've Been Missing (Marnie)
It's been months since I've blogged on this website. The few of you that still read this may have wondered, what happened to Marnie? Did she fall in love and get married? Like Marcia, Kris and now Leah? No. No I didn't. I did date someone for awhile, but it ended. I'll talk more of that in another blog.
But I did have a life altering experience that has distracted me from blogging. I moved and I've been trying to make some order in my new home. And I must admit, I've never been so preoccupied with my living space in my whole life. It's needed a fair amount of work - which has forced me to do all sorts of things I don't like doing - like asking for help, relying on others knowledge and assistance, making decisions based on what little experience and knowledge I have, and making really stupid mistakes while trying to fix the problem myself. It makes me feel completely out of my league and shoots me down to new levels of humility. I've often tried to avoid learning new things that have a very high learning curve for me - they tend to make me struggle to the point of frustration and I hate that (You should have seen the day I tried to wakeboard! DISASTER!!!). Nothing drives me more to crying than working on a home project that "should" have taken 60 minutes to do - according to the instructions – that really took 9 hours and 2 trips to Home Depot to complete and still not quite achieving the desired result.
But now that the worst of it is over, I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I took the risk - although I really didn't know what I was getting into - and I'm learning (slowly) to appreciate the journey as much as reaching the destination (a warm, inviting environment). My house isn't perfect, but then, nothing ever is. There are still lots of little things that drive me crazy, but I have gotten some things resolved and I like to focus on that.
I feel as though I married this house. The commitment level has been huge. Not only on the financial level, but I have had to put a lot of work into it. Tons. And sometimes the results are nothing what I anticipated or wanted. But I have a home that protects me from the world and keeps me warm (when I feel rich enough to turn up the heat).
I wonder if after you first get married you go through the same shock and frustration as I went through with my new home? At one point I wondered why I did it. I prayed about it and felt good about the decision and it all fell into place - but when the problems started to arise and I felt over-whelmed, I wondered why I made the plunge in the first place.
I also wondered why I missed some important realities about the condition of the place. I didn't see many of the details I should have when I visited the house those multiple times before I moved in. Once I had the place, all the flaws and problems seemed so GLARING! If I had seen them before, I would have had a better understanding of what I was up against. I wouldn't have NOT made the decision to get the place, but I would have been less surprised and disappointed with the realities.
Why was I so naive about the experience? If it I got an answer of "yes" to do it and it felt so right to do in the first place, why were there so many problems that had to be dealt with and why were they so hard to conquer? Several times I thought maybe I had made the wrong decision and I had dreamed up that good feeling before as an answer to a prayer.
I think I sabotaged myself on a regular basis because unfortunately, I always have a very good idea in my head of how things should go. Structure and order are one of the things that make me happy. And at times I felt like I was in a construction zone (I'm exaggerating of course) and had no routines. Living day to day and not really knowing what I was doing or what exactly what I needed to work on first because there seemed so much to do, left all my previous security I had felt go out the window. And when I don't feel secure, the little things like picking the right paint color seems as big as deciding whether to move to a different city or change jobs. It's almost like everything was magnified into being a bigger situation than it really was. I didn't see the eternal perspective (it's just a house for crying out loud!). It left me so discontented at times that I wished I'd never tried this new adventure in the first place. Crazy!
I wish I could say I'm in complete control now and that things are going smoothly and everything is in it's perfect place now that some time has passed. Nope. That's going to take much longer to do. But it is going much better. My patience has improved a little better - I can work on the house until 2am before I start crying from frustration as opposed to midnight. And my idea of how things “should be” has been completely shifted to "what can I live with?" Maybe this was a way for God to give me a small glimpse into how a real committed relationship is. I've never had one and no matter how many books I’ve read, experiences I’ve heard about or movies I’ve watched on people dealing with a committed relationship, nothing beats the experience.
But having this home feels good sometimes - really good. And then sometimes it's just one huge pain in the neck. Sounds a lot like a committed relationship with a man to me. Well, at least from what I’ve heard…
But I did have a life altering experience that has distracted me from blogging. I moved and I've been trying to make some order in my new home. And I must admit, I've never been so preoccupied with my living space in my whole life. It's needed a fair amount of work - which has forced me to do all sorts of things I don't like doing - like asking for help, relying on others knowledge and assistance, making decisions based on what little experience and knowledge I have, and making really stupid mistakes while trying to fix the problem myself. It makes me feel completely out of my league and shoots me down to new levels of humility. I've often tried to avoid learning new things that have a very high learning curve for me - they tend to make me struggle to the point of frustration and I hate that (You should have seen the day I tried to wakeboard! DISASTER!!!). Nothing drives me more to crying than working on a home project that "should" have taken 60 minutes to do - according to the instructions – that really took 9 hours and 2 trips to Home Depot to complete and still not quite achieving the desired result.
But now that the worst of it is over, I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I took the risk - although I really didn't know what I was getting into - and I'm learning (slowly) to appreciate the journey as much as reaching the destination (a warm, inviting environment). My house isn't perfect, but then, nothing ever is. There are still lots of little things that drive me crazy, but I have gotten some things resolved and I like to focus on that.
I feel as though I married this house. The commitment level has been huge. Not only on the financial level, but I have had to put a lot of work into it. Tons. And sometimes the results are nothing what I anticipated or wanted. But I have a home that protects me from the world and keeps me warm (when I feel rich enough to turn up the heat).
I wonder if after you first get married you go through the same shock and frustration as I went through with my new home? At one point I wondered why I did it. I prayed about it and felt good about the decision and it all fell into place - but when the problems started to arise and I felt over-whelmed, I wondered why I made the plunge in the first place.
I also wondered why I missed some important realities about the condition of the place. I didn't see many of the details I should have when I visited the house those multiple times before I moved in. Once I had the place, all the flaws and problems seemed so GLARING! If I had seen them before, I would have had a better understanding of what I was up against. I wouldn't have NOT made the decision to get the place, but I would have been less surprised and disappointed with the realities.
Why was I so naive about the experience? If it I got an answer of "yes" to do it and it felt so right to do in the first place, why were there so many problems that had to be dealt with and why were they so hard to conquer? Several times I thought maybe I had made the wrong decision and I had dreamed up that good feeling before as an answer to a prayer.
I think I sabotaged myself on a regular basis because unfortunately, I always have a very good idea in my head of how things should go. Structure and order are one of the things that make me happy. And at times I felt like I was in a construction zone (I'm exaggerating of course) and had no routines. Living day to day and not really knowing what I was doing or what exactly what I needed to work on first because there seemed so much to do, left all my previous security I had felt go out the window. And when I don't feel secure, the little things like picking the right paint color seems as big as deciding whether to move to a different city or change jobs. It's almost like everything was magnified into being a bigger situation than it really was. I didn't see the eternal perspective (it's just a house for crying out loud!). It left me so discontented at times that I wished I'd never tried this new adventure in the first place. Crazy!
I wish I could say I'm in complete control now and that things are going smoothly and everything is in it's perfect place now that some time has passed. Nope. That's going to take much longer to do. But it is going much better. My patience has improved a little better - I can work on the house until 2am before I start crying from frustration as opposed to midnight. And my idea of how things “should be” has been completely shifted to "what can I live with?" Maybe this was a way for God to give me a small glimpse into how a real committed relationship is. I've never had one and no matter how many books I’ve read, experiences I’ve heard about or movies I’ve watched on people dealing with a committed relationship, nothing beats the experience.
But having this home feels good sometimes - really good. And then sometimes it's just one huge pain in the neck. Sounds a lot like a committed relationship with a man to me. Well, at least from what I’ve heard…
Monday, November 9, 2009
Lessons Learned in Sunday School (Leah)
I've been meaning to post for some time now. Over the summer I found myself listening to old BYU devotional talks. One was by Elder Ballard about womanhood. I was struck by the lack of feminity in my own life and vowed to embrace my divine nature as a daughter of God. I think women of today can and should do more to be feminine. I think I posted something like this before but now I have church authorities to back me up - too bad the talk was so long ago I can't remember specifics. So... on to a new topic!
Yesterday in Sunday School we discussed missionary work. The teacher put the following list on the board:
1) Not knowing how to start
2) Fear of rejeciton
3) Thinking they aren't ready
4) Don't have the spark
5) Overcomplicating it
6) Don't know any nonmembers
He said this was a list of reasons why he had trouble being a member missionary. He realized, though, after putting it on the board that it sounded like a list of reasons why he wasn't in a dating relationship. Everyone in the room acknowledged how right on he was. Earlier this year my ward got a new bishop. I struggled with his new push on missionary work. I kept thinking, doesn't he know our ward? Doesn't he know we're trying to get married and that we NEED to? Why is pushing missionary work when that's not our purpose as a ward? Over time I've come to the realization that if we worked on our missionary skills we'd also be working on our dating skills. This list only proves it. If we can get over all those hangups as member missionaries then we'd probably also be over them in the world of dating, and vice versa. It's all about taking relationship risks and being genuine. Essentially aren't we all on this earth to learn how to love others and be more God like?
p.s. In other news... I'm engaged. Phil and I are getting married very soon! But not soon enough. :)
Yesterday in Sunday School we discussed missionary work. The teacher put the following list on the board:
1) Not knowing how to start
2) Fear of rejeciton
3) Thinking they aren't ready
4) Don't have the spark
5) Overcomplicating it
6) Don't know any nonmembers
He said this was a list of reasons why he had trouble being a member missionary. He realized, though, after putting it on the board that it sounded like a list of reasons why he wasn't in a dating relationship. Everyone in the room acknowledged how right on he was. Earlier this year my ward got a new bishop. I struggled with his new push on missionary work. I kept thinking, doesn't he know our ward? Doesn't he know we're trying to get married and that we NEED to? Why is pushing missionary work when that's not our purpose as a ward? Over time I've come to the realization that if we worked on our missionary skills we'd also be working on our dating skills. This list only proves it. If we can get over all those hangups as member missionaries then we'd probably also be over them in the world of dating, and vice versa. It's all about taking relationship risks and being genuine. Essentially aren't we all on this earth to learn how to love others and be more God like?
p.s. In other news... I'm engaged. Phil and I are getting married very soon! But not soon enough. :)
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