Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Comparing (Leah)

Lorelai, your post got me thinking about something I learned awhile ago, but was reminded of again about 4 months ago. I too compare men. There was one back in college who was just plain funny. He was very popular in my student ward. I think he has been my "Sissel." Whenever I date a guy and really like him I notice similarities. He was smart, witty, relaxed, eyes that sparkled, good sized for hugging, and simply kind. My favorite memory ever was when he brought me an ice cube that had slightly melted in his hand, leaving an imprint, because he knew how much I liked ice. It was a perfect moment! But that's what memories are good for. Like a pretty picture you never own. You can appreciate aspects of its beauty in other pictures. But the kind of comparison that IS valuable, is a comparison to your core values. I was encouraged by a friend not too long ago to make a good list of the characteristics that are essential in a mate for me. Those essentials can guide you when you are checking someone out over the course of a few dates. For instance, I discovered that one essential I have is formal education. I have yet to meet someone that I can truly communicate with and get along with who hasn't had a fair degree of education. Maybe it seems shallow of me, maybe I'm missing out on a lot of great guys, but when I've tried to date those without basic college, I haven't been happy. Maybe it's my own pride and weakness, but either way, it's one of those characteristics that I know just makes me happier in a relationship. I've tried to keep it more generally worded, though, like "values education," so that I'm hitting the core aspect. Everyone has to think of their own values - my list isn't for everyone - but I think it's a good activity to do, especially when you're not in the middle of a relationship (otherwise you can get too confused).


Lorelai said...

I like that list thing. Similar to what Bridget commented that comparing is not necessarily a bad thing. It is good to recognize what makes me happy and what scares me or annoys me. I think it is the CONSCIOUS effort that makes the difference. Thanks!

Scully said...

I'm the same way with the education thing. I don't think there's any reason to have to apologize for what you know works best for you in a relationship.