Monday, December 15, 2008

In Comparison (Lorelai)

This past weekend I went to a fabulous performance of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the annual Christmas concert. The set was amazing with brilliantly lit trees, snow covered miniature houses, and dazzling poinsettias covering the stage. I was snuggled down in my seat ready for my heart to pound with joy. And then it was over. Now don’t get me wrong, it was a fabulous performance. My favorite part was the organ solo … I know! If you know me at all (which you don’t) then you know me and organ music do not necessarily get along but it was phenomenal. I might buy the DVD just for that one song. It was amazing.

But here is where it gets tricky. This is not my first MoTab Christmas concert and without even thinking about it I started to compare. Two years ago (I am pretty sure it was two years ago) a wonderful artist Sissel came. It was magical. She would open her mouth and this glorious sound would emerge with seemingly little effort. It was moving and spiritual and rather perfect.

This year’s performance dimmed in comparison. But how unfair is it to compare. The guest artists are in completely different genres and have very different performance styles. Just because Sissel was as near perfection as I can imagine that does not mean that the other performances was not good. So why did my opinion of the performance seem so low?

Now you might be wondering why I am critiquing MoTab here but really I started thinking. Subconsciously how many times do I compare for good or ill the men I date? I discovered that if someone remotely reminds me of Gap (my ex) I turn and run. Fast. Gap had many good qualities. I should not run away from a person because they exhibit certain similarities (there are others that yes I should be running). And then there is of course Charming. They guy I dated in college and was hopelessly, madly, stupidly in love with and still can only remember the good (even though there was a lot of bad). Sometimes I wonder if I do not give a guy a chance because he reminds me of Gap or because he does not remind me of Charming. I should look at him based upon his own merit; not how similar or dissimilar he is to people that I have morphed in my mind to the good guy and the bad guy.

I guess for me it is the subconscious part that is disturbing. Am I running because of legitimate red flags or just because of some small insignificant similarity? It is something I have not thought too much about before. Well nevertheless I still liked Sissel best…


Bridget said...

Isnt this so true. I've thought of this as well..and wonder as well if i am too quick to dismiss someone because they remind me too much of this guy or not enough like the one who got would be so nice if we could just treat every new guy we come across as if they were the first we ever met..but i really think on the flip side the feeling of aversion or the desire to get closer to someone is based on previous experiences and intuition...and will lead us well..also maybe it can alert us to self reflection..maybe giving us the opportunity to note what qualities we love about past guys and what we cannot stand..

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of an Oprah episode, so bare with me. She had a guest that was a sex therapist. The guest was asking Oprah if she liked pickles (it was really about pineapple, but I changed it for you), and Oprah said "Yes, I love them!" Then the guest said how much she really hated pickles. Then she explained to Oprah how there is nothing wrong with pickles. It is a matter of opinion that Oprah loves them and she hates them. So it is with attraction and love- there is nothing wrong with pickles, I love them, you hate them, it doesn't change the pickle. Good thing we all have different tastes or noone would have a mate expect people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. So when you meet and reject someone, it is almost never about them, it is about you and then same is true if someone you like rejects you- it isn't about you, it's about them. Maybe they just don't like pickles.