Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It's All About the Self-Talk (Marnie)

This Christmas season, I decided to visit some older sisters that I used to be in charge of when I was in my old family ward. I really grew to love and care about them. And they always made me feel better when I visited them.

I baked some goodies and made the deliveries on a Sunday early this December. It was fabulous to see them! They really appreciated the visit and goodies. I knew they would ask about my new ward and social life because that was why I left the family ward - to inject my social life with some new possibilities.

Knowing they would ask about my social life, I had my speech ready. It usually went something like this:

Older sister: So how is the singles ward?
Me: Oh, great! I’m meeting some really wonderful people!
Older sister: You dating anyone? (the older folks always get to the point).
Me: Not right now – I dated a guy for a few months but it didn’t work out (I mention that so they know I’m trying and succeeding in some respects).
Older sister: Oh, that’s too bad. [Silence.]

That’s when I give my current mantra. I don’t want them to worry about me and I don’t want their pity, so in 8 different visits I said, “but January is a new year and I feel good about what’s coming up! Lot’s of new opportunities! And I will find me someone new to date! I can feel it!”

Now at first it was just something I made up. But now, after saying it out loud 8 times, even I believe it! All of them each got excited for me when I said it – instead of giving the pity look – and they all reiterated that I could do it! That really felt empowering!

New Years is around that corner. I hate that holiday too – along with my fellow bloggers – but it’s a new opportunity to work on some skills with meeting people. Yep, I’m going to a big singles dance that most likely will have a great assortment of all sorts of men – the good, the bad and the ugly – hopefully more good than bad. And I am bound and determined to meet lots of people, smile big and give my “security guard” stare when I can.

When I first heard about mantras I thought it was silly, but I don’t believe that anymore. You become what you hear yourself say – especially when you are talking about yourself. If it’s negative, it will affect you negatively. If it’s positive, it will affect you positively! And I think that’s why we’ve been told to have faith and hope by the Almighty. Talking about those things helps us keep positive. And I know for a fact when I am trying hard to be positive, I do better. I’m happier and more appreciative of my life. And I smile more. And when I smile more, I tend to be nicer and friendlier. And that helps my life socially as well as spiritually.

So my challenge to any that dare, try a POSITIVE mantra for a month! Say it three times every morning for a month. Mine is: "I am open to relationships. Good things are up ahead for me and in January 2009, I will meet many good “potentials” and find a great guy to date and have a relationship with."

I’ll let you know how it goes…


Lorelai said...

I accept your challenge Miss Marnie. I have no idea what my mantra is going to be yet I will think of something before Jan 1. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you in January. Oh and I join with your lovely elderly ladies I know you can do it cause you are awesome. Have fun and show off that security guard stare :)

Leah said...

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this myself, but I fondly remember a time in my life when I practiced positive self-talk. It is no lie that the year I did so was the year I had my spring-fling which was soon followed up by regular meaningful relationships. It basically helped me break my cycle of non-dating.

I shall be sure to come up with a good mantra for myself. Actually, now that I think about it, a couple weeks ago I did begin saying one to myself: "I have meaningful committed relationships." So far so good!

Scully said...

As John Mayer would say, "Good love is on the way"!

Anonymous said...

As a married person who has many times had that conversation with single women (mostly one sister, who is now married) I would like to comment on the conversations others have with you about dating. Part of our baptismal covenant was to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort", so even though the rest of your life may be pretty great and you aren't walking around mourning, being alone can be painful. They want to share your burden and comfort you, just like you did by visiting them and taking them treats. And someday when you ARE married and have four kids and and the holidays just seem like a never ending chore and you go hide in a closet for a moment of peace and quiet- those same ladies will want to know about it to comfort you and share your burden then as well. Life's challenges never end, they only change.