Friday, September 19, 2008
Feeling,Thinking and Prayer (Leah)
Last night I had a long conversation with old Phil. He's in the past but I still love him - like all past Phils I don't think I'll ever not love one. Anyway, I don't want to give much detail in case I'm not as anonymous as I like to think and mostly to protect the Phils of the world. The point is, I got off the phone full of thoughts and questions and emotion like no tomorrow. I checked the email right before going to bed and saw a comment from anonymous on one of the old posts. It said something like "Make a decision and go to God with it." I felt like it was meant for me right then and there. When I'm tired, though, I really struggle with prayer - the mind wanders everywhere and I get sucked into emotional whirlpools. I pulled out the journal, though, to do some out loud thinking. That really helped. I managed to make a decision and say a prayer. This morning I woke up with similar thoughts and jumbled feelings. I tried really hard to study my scriptures and pray with intent, but again, being tired, the thoughts and feelings just kept swirling and confusing me with memories and dreams. Finally, I pulled out the journal again and wrote again. Clarity came. I read about prayer in the "Preach My Gospel" handbook and I knelt down and finally managed to clearly express my heart and mind. About an hour later the peace had come. Loving people is hard when you're trying to maintain an eternal and healthy perspective. I believe, though, that it is possible to work through it and find direction. Patience is a key element, but you can do it.