Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Googling Disease (Leah)

I was reading in the news today about how common it is for people to Google questions about their health. It occurred to me that this site is sort of like those websites, but in relation to diseases of the heart. Okay, so that sounded cheesy, but I couldn't resist. This morning I woke up a bit sick in my heart. I've had a bit more interaction with old Phil. He really wants to try dating again. We've tried this before - where he wants to get back together. After two attempts at dating, in the end, he couldn't commit to even date me exclusively. My friend suggested I only give him another chance if he's ready to risk "all" this time. I decided I am not ready to risk all on him and so I can't ask that of him. In fact, I had to tell him no. That really hurt. I really care about him. I really enjoy being with him. But I haven't enjoyed the NOT-being-with-him that seems to be a natural consequence. I had to judge him on his actions and his history. Just asking me to give him another chance wasn't very persuasive. I tried to think of things he COULD have done to persuade me to give him another chance. The thing is - I can't come up with any. I think if he really wanted to win me back the actions would have to be something HE thought of. They would have to be the result of his own long pondering and efforts - not mine. THAT'S what he needs to do - he needs to come up with his own solution to this problem if he really wants me back. A woman wants a man who can be her hero - who can save her - not who asks her what he should do to save her - just step up and do some saving already. Am I right? I think I am. So... Old Phil - if you're Googling "how to win a woman back" I hope you get some good advice from this post and realize that you need to step up and be a man and solve your own problem instead of asking me how to do it.


Kris said...

Yay Leah, I think you're totally right. You're worth the effort and if he's not going to step up then he can step off! :)

Marnie said...

Pretty dang insightful, Leah! You are right - if he doesn't know how to solve the situation now, he isn't ever going to figure out the situation! He isn't teachable yet...And from what you've said, he isn't nearly as good as new Phil either!!

Cordy said...

Ironically, I found this blog on Google. :)

Great post.

Anonymous said...

Didn't HE think of trying to get back together with you? If so, then he did come up with a solution to get back together with you. HE asked, but if you need a different sort of person, then give up on old Phil and don't pretend that he has a chance with you.

If you say "no" to him, you better mean no. He "wasn't very persuasive", is a confusing idea. So, if you are making out with a boy and he gets a little carried away and you say "no", does that only mean that the boy needs to be more persuasive?

Say "no" and leave it at that. If you mean maybe, then say maybe and give some stipulations, but don't make him guess or try to read your mind. Most people are terrible at that, but the game playing will only get everyone hurt.

Leah said...

Steve, you have a point. But it's like someone saying "I'm hungry" - great, he's expresses a need, but unless he's are two he better say what he wants done about it. I told Old Phil plenty of times that I needed him to make me a priority. I told him I needed him to date me exclusively and show me the respect of asking me on real dates with enough notice and then keeping that commitment. He never did it much when we dated before. That was what led to the two breakups before. So him coming back and saying "date me" now, and being offended because I reminded him that he should ask me out on a real date with notice - well, anyway. Enough said. I know - I didn't give that much detail before. It's complicated. I agree with you, though, about mind games. And I intended no mind games at all. In fact, that's why I said no to him. But the fit he threw afteward, well let's just say his true colors showed. Yes, if he thought that insulting me would win me back, well, he was wrong. He just made me extremely sad.