Swimming 101 (Bridget)

Ok, for the last few days have been thinking of getting offline...for a rest...truth is I have gotten a bit obsessive lately about the checking of the email..and have crossed the line from hoping that I find a juicy morsel on line to..Dammit,I must find a guy online...as if the intensity and frequency I logged on with would account for something...all it accounted for is that many times a day I am shamed by my overzealous behavior online..so I deleted my profile...i know it won't be for good, but my goal is to be offline for 6 months. I've had this goal before, mind you, and the most i have made it is a couple, but this time, I'm really thinking it will do me good to take a break. The decision to go offline came immediately after chatting online with some guy that said he was a model as a youth...i was suspect...because he didn't really look like he would be picked for that profession...I asked him what kind of modeling he did..and he proceeded to ask me to keep in mind he was a convert to the LDS church when he was 21...(uh oh..is this guy going to be weird...well I was already getting the vibe, that in fact he was,most of the time you can tell, or I definitely can,at least thats one thing online has taught me to trust that innervoice that is screaming at you to stop and turn away, anyway I digress) So he says that he modeled jockey underwear,briefs etc. etc..) but then he proceeds to tell me that he in fact developed early at 9...HUH? what kind of uninformed male thinks that this is appropriate fodder for online discussions...i told him quickly and politely(cuz that's how I roll) thank you and good night. I then swiftly deleted my profile. Deleting is more final...can't just go back and activate..it was just what i needed to get me over the proverbial hump, climb over the proverbial fence of whether I should stay online or not. I want to focus on life right now..without the daily reminder (albeit illusionary) that I am lacking..and forever obsessingly searching for this man that i am to meet... There's so many other things to obsess about...and I'm going to find them... My bloggings may be about my obsessing about these other things...i'll let you know when I find them. I made a deal with Heavenly Father that this next 6 months is going to be about living life...not searching for something that I don't have...but cultivating the great relationships I do have..especially the one with myself..because to be quite frank it can be quite lacking..i'm not really my own best friend, I can be quite nasty and derogatory in regards to myself..so this is going to be my focus...for the next 6 months and I told Him that he would need to do the rest..if it be His will..cuz i'm tired..of searching and the feeling that i'm treading water..i want to swim...