Even though I'm not exactly where I want to be, I'm glad I'm not where I was (Scully)

Sorry it's been awhile, but nothing's really been happening. I've had some health and work things taking over my psyche lately.

I have had some conversations with some friends who are younger than I am who are where I once was about 7-8 years ago. Kris's last entry brought this back to mind. At this point, they're not dating and they've never been kissed. These are beautiful women in thier 30s. How do I put this . . . within the context of my perception of what a "good mormon girl" is—they are all much closer to that than I am now and will probably get to heaven quicker than I will. Having said that, I'm so glad I'm not where they are anymore! I'm so grateful to have had some experiences with men! Some good—some bad, but not all bad and in-valuable because they didn't end in marriage. Speaking to those friends I remember how confused and closed and bad I felt about myself for things that DIDN'T MATTER! I let issues that I had about my body and beauty and whether I thought God even liked me so overtake my thoughts. I'm grateful for the changes I made (including some counseling) that put me in a different place and let men into my life.

Now I'm just working on finding THE one. I haven't been very open to men in the ward in a little while. Feel like I'm maybe starting to round the bend on being too old for them or something. Online I'm having a hard time getting to the meeting in person part. Maybe I'm coming off as arrogant or something. I don't know. Seems like that has dried up a bit. Maybe some new photos. (I so hate taking those) Maybe I'll switch services for a while.

Anyway, thanks for all your latest posts ladies! Very inspiring. And congrats Marcia and Kris!