Ok, so its been a long time since I blogged. Just to tell you where I'm at..i'm currently trying to figure out where I want to go for my master's/PHD. Do I want to be a Marriage/Family therapist, or do I want to go the whole route and be a Clinical Psychologist? Do I want to stay in California, or do I want to go back to Utah? I am in the middle of making many decisions. Somehow, the experiences that i've been having lately have taken much of my energy, and left nothing for blogging. I apologize.
I've had some interesting realizations lately.
1. I know the Lord send us people that help us to keep the hope alive. I met someone from an online dating site about a month ago. We talked for about a week before we met up...during the week we texted and talked on the phone a few times. It was very cool to get to know this guy. In the week of chatting, and moreso when we actually met (we had a nice time...)I just focused on having fun. I focused on being comfortable, even though I would be out of my comfort zone. In the end, we didn't have the chemistry to get to a secon dated..but I continued on with more hope that the person I'm looking for will appear at some stage of the game.
2. I know the Lord hears our prayers. And answers them when its the right time. A few weeks ago I prayed one week specifically to have a fun date, to kind of break up the monotony of life. I volunteer up at a children's hospital and many of the Saturdays i am up there, there is a really cool guy that volunteers as well. I had never looked at him as someone that I would particularly like to date. But a few days after I started praying specifically to have a fun date, he asked me if I wanted to go lunch with him after volunteering. I felt very strongly that this was an answer to my prayer. We had a great time and went to lunch another time as well. I don't necessarily think we're compatible...but I do know that my simple prayer was answered .
3. I can ultimately trust the way I feel about a situation. I can trust that things work out the way they are ultimately supposed to. I don't have to question why,or analyze why I don't want to date someone, I can learn to trust my gut feeling. Although it takes practice, to listen and hear what is going on inside of us is a great skill. Remember Dodger Guy, he was an online prospect from one of my first blogs. For some reason, the thought of actually meeting him in person made me anxious. Ultimately, I didn't meet up with him, I let him know that a long distance relationship (he lived 6 hours away,in Northern Cal) was not an option for me right now. I stressed and wondered, why can't I just go out with him and see where it goes? Why do I need to be so closed minded? I kind of stressed myself out about it. Recently I texted him to see how he was, because in the time that I talked to him, I got a sense that he was a really good guy and was genuinely wondering how he was doing. He said he had a found a wonderful woman that lived close to him, he felt he would marry her. I was happy for him. During that conversation I felt for sure that things had turned out the way they should have. I felt like my lack of inspiration to meet him, was just that, a lack of inspiration. It didn't have to say anything about my commitment issues, or social anxiety..or that I was "wasting" a chance to meet a potential husband, and I would be alone forever because of my close mindedness,or whatever else I obsessed about at that moment. Saying that, I know it is also important to make sure we are open to stepping out of our comfort zone and into the unknown when we feel inspired to. But its ok if we're not inspired...I have been since, and I will be again...