Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Keeping the Faith (Marnie)

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were doing really well again? You had just come out of a tough experience (or experiences) and were starting to gain momentum? You were thinking, "OK! I've endured that, and I lived through it!" And then suddenly you find yourself in another problem - harder than before! It's like having the wind knocked out of you.

I know. I hate it when it happens to me too! And I find it's hard to keep the faith and have a positive attitude when you are in the midst of another hard time.

A friend sent a link to an article that talked about our relationship with God. And this quote is so true to how I think sometimes:

"Too often we create and want a god who demands nothing of us, protects us against all disappointment, tramples the agency of others so we may never be hurt by them, arranges life so that we must never stretch beyond where we are, instead of worshiping the loving, powerful God who sees all and promises that all things in their time will work together for our good if we just hold on with faith and trust in Him."

Maurine Proctor, "Pouting Before the Lord"

This quote describes how I have felt in the past - OK, maybe even yesterday! Why can't I just trust God??? I mean, out of all the people I know, shouldn't HE be the one true person that knows what's best for me?? Yet still I doubt him whenever it gets tough or when things don't go my way! And I have even gotten mad at him for letting these problems happen to me.

The eternal perspective is so hard to keep concerning life here on earth. Everything around us is temporary and the world's philosophy is all about "what I want RIGHT NOW." So it makes sense that it would sneak into our daily lives and make us confused and forget the real reasons we are on earth - 1) to get a physical body and 2) to be tested with different life situations to see what we will do and what we will get out of those experiences. That's the core of it. But we are also to be happy along the way...(" are that they might have joy" 2 Nephi 2:25)

So how do we go through what is expected to be some "hard times" and be happy with it? Well, I'm not sure I know exactly how to do that. I know the Sunday School answers are all about service and being grateful for what you have. And I believe that they do help in getting outside of yourself and seeing the forest from the trees.

But I also believe stopping and looking around you - right in the middle of your problem - and trying to see the bigger picture. If I can keep my perspective, things seem less tragic and disappointing. But it's hard. VERY hard. When I can do it though, it helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel faster, because I'm actually looking up - instead of down, crying in self-pity.

Lately, my goal has been to be an "adult." The kind of adult that we all thought we would grow up to be and that we thought all grownups were. The kind of adult where you think through things FIRST before you say or do anything. The kind of adult where you try to think rational thoughts instead of letting emotions take you to some new level of absurdity. (Can you tell I can be a drama queen at times???) The kind of adult that you wish the TV character would be when someone is possessed and starts saying really crazy hurtful things to those they love. (You know, like on Charmed, when one of the sisters goes crazy and says she hates the other two and points out all of their failings and problems. And you think, "DUH! It's so obvious!! She's possessed by a troll!! It's not really her!"). I can't tell you how cool that would be! Not being possessed by the troll - but being the adult...a real, live, mature adult.

I guess it's about maturity. And in relationships, sometimes I come off so short in my reactions to what life throws me. And really, the situation needs some maturity to deal with it properly and to keep things in perspective.

I'm kind of rambling, but that's what has been on my mind lately. So my new goal? Start actually believing that God does know what's best for me and being mature enough to deal with what happens like a real adult.


Kris said...

wow, this post has it all. Self-disclosure, insight, scripture references, common sense, AND a Charmed reference. Truly you are one of the coolest people I know!

Lorelai said...

I just wrote the most brilliant of brilliant comments and I lost it. Grr to the computer GRRR. So I will paraphrase what I wrote or what I remember writing. First you are amazing. I can get to the point where I can look around me and see past myself but then I get overwhelmed with guilt for not recognizing the goodness that I missed. Me and guilt are great friends. So I am not exactly sure how to be mature and grasp the eternal perspective but I am with you that we should.