Okay, the anonymous response to Marnie's visualizing post got me thinking. About a year ago I read The Secret and have been big on the visualizing thing ever since. In fact, about a year before that a friend sent me an article about an older woman who exercised every day because she had a a vision of running around a park playing with grand kids she didn't yet have. Both things got me thinking about my own visions of the future. Obviously, as a single woman the big vision I had was getting married. According to the article I needed to start working backwards from the end goal. I also needed multiple routes for getting to that end goal. I put in my planner the date I envisioned wearing white in the temple with a man across the altar. I worked back from there picking a date to be engaged and then a date to be dating exclusively and then a date to actually meet the guy. Soon after creating this vision I started dating a guy I'd broken up with in the past. I had hopes he'd fit my vision. When the date came that I was supposed to meet this future husband I wasn't especially interested in meeting anyone new but I went to the scheduled activity (I put it on an FHE night since I figured single men would be there). I walked into the room and saw a group of women I didn't know and a group of men I didn't know. I breathed in and headed straight for the women, happily introducing myself. I quickly justified that if I was going to meet every guy I didn't know I might as well meet the women - you know - to be in the "meeting people zone." It helped! I was able to face the men soon after. I made a friend and a couple acquaintances. About 8 months later one of the acquaintances asked me out. He is now the New Phil I write about. I have no idea where that's going - he's been going slowly these days - but I'm still hopeful. The vision wedding date is long gone, but I have no regrets. Creating the vision and actively working on aspects of it has empowered me. I have more confidence. I can more easily see myself going on dates and having those hard conversations.
As for the vision I had when I was 14 - the one that had me in a white dress and all - well I never really lost it. I never turned my back on it. But truth be told, the older I get, the harder it is for me to really fathom the idea that it will happen. When I start dating a guy it's natural for me to start seeing and making accommodations for the inevitable break up. It's what I'm good at. I still see the white dress, but the vision I really need to work on now is the relationship getting past the slower harder awkward parts without giving up or self destructing. And for the record, I still have a hard time being able to say that I can get a guy to want to even go out with me. They ask every now and then - but really - not very often. I don't know why New Phil asked when he did (well I might - I blogged about it early on this blog), but I don't know why he keeps asking me out. It's not surprising when he doesn't call. Hurtful a bit, but it's very natural for me to go this route. I wish I could see past it. I'm working on that.
So whatever step in the vision is hard for you... figure out a way to see beyond. Look through the bedrock mountain and press forward. I've found that just my talk - the kind in my head and the kind out loud - can make a huge difference. Even when it's hard to believe I make myself say things like, "I'm in a meaningful productive relationship. Men ask me out. They enjoy my company and we have deep connections." Stuff like that. Okay, I think that's my two cents for the night.