Tuesday, June 3, 2008

the first step (by Marcia)

Tonight Clue told me (in a very kind way) that he didn’t think I was emotionally available for a relationship. I was dumbfounded. Speechless. Not because that’s what he thought of me, but because I was actually on the other end of that phrase. I’m supposed to be the emotionally available one. In fact, that’s my somewhat comforting explanation as to why my past relationships haven’t worked out – it was the guy who wasn’t available. Not me.

After I regained my power of speech, defensiveness instantly kicked in and I was mentally preparing my rebuttal, but then I realized something. He was right! In seconds I decided that I needed to change and become available. Just how I will do that isn’t all that clear at the moment, but I trust that something will come to me. They say that acknowledgment is the first step. What’s the second?

1 comment:

Leah said...

Wow - great realization - and tough one. I might agree with him. Based on what little I know of you I could convince myself that you're not emotionally available. I read a book one - "He's Scared She's Scared" and it implied that due to our own fears we date people that are not available. Maybe you've dated emotionally unavailable men because you have been that way and dating them is safer. The subconcious is pretty powerful.

Sorry I have no solutions.