Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Well Intended Insults (Kris)

I work in small office. I really like the two partners of the firm, but sometimes they like to take on a "fatherly" role. I had my annual "why aren't you married" talk from my boss today. I'm not an easily offended person. I realize this is coming from a place of concern and kindness. He told me he and his partner discussed me over lunch- no, not my job performance, my personal life. I know he was trying to be complimentary. I think what he was trying to say was, "We think you're great and we don't understand why some guy hasn't seen that." What he actually said was, "We can't figure out why you're single, we think you're just being too picky." UGH.

I have a good relationship with my boss and flat out told him that was offensive. I acknowledged that he was trying to be kind, but told him that suggesting I'm too picky when he has no clue about my personal life was out of line. (ok, I wasn't quite that direct) I've decided, if anything, I'm not picky enough- that's another blog.

I think it's interesting how married people (particularly my parent's generation) have no idea how to deal with us "older" single people. It's like this elephant in the room and nobody knows how to talk about it. I recently saw the movie Baby Mama and the main character's mother called her being single an "alternative lifestyle". I liked that. I think the awkwardness comes from people approaching us singles like my boss did- trying to tell me what is wrong with me. So, of course, I react to that and then neither of us want to talk about it again. I don't know why it can't be discussed just as genuine interest in who I am, without the judgment.

I don't think I should be pitied or tiptoed around because I'm almost 40 and single. I have a really interesting life and some pretty hilarious dating stories. I love when people are interested and ask questions, not try to be my therapist.

There's my little rant.


Marnie said...

Oh if I had a dollar for every time someone had a solution to my social dilemma or asked the great mystery of God question: "why aren't you married??" I'd be retired and living in Hawaii. You think I'm kidding - but I'm not!

Scully said...

Bless their hearts. So strange how that question is at the same time flattering and completely offensive, but it so is. And so interesting how accusing someone of being too picky immediately denegrates their own spouse. How would their wives feel to know their husband's advice to a single person is "don't be too picky"?

Have fun in the OC!

kat said...

i think you should have been totally direct with your boss. that would have rocked!

i HATE that 'you're too picky' nonsense. you are fabulous and there is no need to settle. EVER.

marcia said...

so my grandpa's new wife used to tell me I was still single because I was LAZY. I just had to take it and remember she was suffering from dementia...