I just wanted to share a little lesson I learned recently. The last fellow I dated complained that I "talked" too much - as in I told too many people too much about me/him/us. I think it made him feel overexposed and insecure. I selfishly thought he was silly. I was talking to my friends about what mattered to me - it had nothing to do with him really.
Since then, though, I've done some thinking. In an effort to honor his wishes I've tried to not discuss him anymore with friends or family. ALSO (now this may come as a surprise to some) I've restrained myself from discussing some very personal thoughts with some people. I've wanted to practice this behavior and even though the guy isn't a part of my life now I want to honor what I learned from the relationship at least. On this blog I tell some stuff that I wonder if I really should tell, but that's one reason I try to maintain the anonymity. Since I've started doing this I have to say I feel great!
In fact, I was thinking the other day about how when someone is going through a really hard time everyone has to ask "how are you doing" and that person gets sick of the question. It's not like life gets better or easier and so that question becomes increasingly depressing. I don't think said person will ever be able to get out of that sad state with continued discussion focusing on it. In terms of my dating life, every time someone asks "how is Phil" I get talking and thinking and obsessing and next thing I know there is little left of meaning in my life other than the Phil drama. And the more I talk about Phil the more people need to ask about him.
As older single women we hate being asked "why aren't you married yet" but then it seems that's the only topic we discuss. The bigger deal you make of something the bigger deal it becomes. I don't want all my friend relationships to be based on the latest progress of my Phil relationship. So I've decided that I want to have my life less Phil oriented and just more me oriented. That won't affect my blogging here - so no worries - but I have to say I'm a believer in sharing less. After all, the only people who know what is best in a relationship are the two people in it. I think I'll do better in my next relationship if I don't try to include 10 of my closest friends who have all the best and kindest intentions.
Sorry - I think that was a bit rambly, but I hope you catch my drift!