Wednesday, June 18, 2008
So, I was watching the bachelorette the other night...I know..don't judge me. In light of recent activities in my life, the one thought that kept creeping up was, she has however many men vying for her attention and wanting to be close to her, and I can't even handle one lately..it has literally stressed me out. Dodger guy, who i mentioned as my last internet potential,didn't even make it to actually meeting me. It wasn't guacamole that did him in..i honestly think that it was partly because he was so eager to meet me. It scared me, I think.We had been talking for less than a week, and I made the mistake of giving him the link to the blog (not sure why) I had asked him if he liked Guacamole, and he said, Is this a trap? And I laughed and thought it would be funny for him to read my blog. The problem is, I think from that point I felt as if I had shown him too much about myself and had given him, without much thought, the opportunity to access very raw and private thoughts and feelings. Its one thing to share these thoughts anonymously to blog readers, its quite another to share them with a person that is interested in meeting me to date. I felt too exposed too soon. Then, I started thinking and analyzing..like I do, he lived too far away, I have a very full life right now in Southern Cal, and didn't have the time for a long distance relationship. The end result was ultimately not having even the desire to meet someone.I have learned a lot. I have learned that for me, the need for trust before I open myself up to someone is monumental and one of the keys to my ability to feel comfortable. Hopefully, I will remember this for the next time.