Thursday, June 19, 2008

Who Where When How (Leah)

Back in college (BYU) I took the ever popular "Marriage Prep" from Brent Barlow. I remember he used to say that what really mattered was that you married the right person in the right place at the right time. Well last week I was listening to some talk of his from Education Week and I was intrigued that he added the "how" aspect. I guess everyone has to update their material at some point. Anyway, that's not my point, I just had to share that tidbit. My point is that in his talk he spent some time explaining each aspect. I think we're all good about knowing we should marry in the temple and of course we're always looking for the right person, but timing is something we're not often taught. Maybe we're taught the how - but I can't quite remember his thoughts on that and since it's new for me I have nothing to say about it. The timing, though, has been a sticking point for me for years. Obviously. I've been in relationships that have lasted three months and I was ready to marry and other relationships that were a year long and I was ready to marry. I guess getting to know another person just takes some time. Brother Barlow recommended "several months" and his time limit of choice was twelve months total for knowing and being engaged. I appreciated his insistence on not giving a specific time frame. Instead he emphasized that you know them over some time so that you can see them in various settings and see how they process and deal with things that arise. Anyway it got me thinking about all the people I know now. Why is it that we have a hard time considering those we know now to be dating options? I know it happens sometimes - but usually no one dates someone they know - certainly not someone they know well. I have heard of best friends finally getting a clue and marrying but I think that's more the exception. I just hate the idea that I'm just THAT much further away from "meeting someone." Hmm, I tried to share something insightful, but I think I just vented. Either way - there's my post.


Cindy Bean said...

It's true. I hear that there's a narrow window for a guy when he deciphers whether or not a girl will fall into the friend or the potential girlfriend category and that it's difficult to get out of whatever category he lands you in. Maybe that's why friends don't date friends. I think girls start to realize that someone is okay and will percolate into liking them.

Marnie said...

TIMING! Oh my gosh, is that SO important! It's important in anything we do. And really, we have no way of controlling timing. I think that's why it's so annoying to me. If I had met "the One" 3 years later, I think it really would have worked! But alas, the ship has sailed and there is no turning back time. Just one more hard lesson for a control freak who lives in a world where we have no real control of what life gives us. Blah!