Monday, June 9, 2008

How to Get a Date (Leah)

I really don't get THAT many dates. Compared to some of my friends, though, I seem to date a lot - you know, more than once a year. I've had a couple long distance boyfriends who aren't insistent on being exclusive, and for some reason, during those periods of life, I get more dates than usual. I've decided there's a confidence/aura about me when I'm in a relationship that somehow attracts men - I've long wanted to bottle it and be able to use it at a later date or sell it to friends. Basically what I'm saying, I've tried to figure out how a girl gets more dates than other girls and even than herself at different times. I have no pat answer. I HAVE however, recently made note of certain behaviors of my friends and have decided that some things they do prevent them from creating connections with men on a sufficient level to have the "normal" guys ask them out. I think there are some guys who will ask out any woman at any moment - they lack the social graces to know when they'll get rejected and when they won't, so they just constantly throw themselves at any woman knowing/hoping one will take them up on the offer.

Sorry - back to my little lesson. So... the sort of men you want to ask you out generally try to use social clues and hints to know if it is safe to ask a woman on a date. They won't ask if they suspect they'll be rejected - nobody likes to purposely put themselves in the line of rejection. So I've decided that men need just enough time getting to know you to feel safe about reading your vibes that you're at least partially interested and would say yes if they asked you out.

In one night I observed three behaviors that do not encourage men to ask you out. One woman chose to sit by another woman instead of by a potential Phil. She had to climb over both the Phil and the woman to get to the woman's other side. Even if she wasn't interested in Phil - she could have sat between them and practiced her Phil bonding skills. Later one woman opted to go home early instead of joining a group at the home of a friend for treats. Granted, we all get a bit tired and cranky and need alone time - but there were no Phils at her house. The party may not have only had any Phils, but there were better chances there than at home - and as said before, you can always practice your Phil bonding skills. Then later, at the party, I observed some women keeping to themselves, talking to non-Bobs (guys with even less than Bob potential), engrossed in conversations with females, and many going home early, before the party settled in to allow for good solid conversation that could lead to more Phil bonding practice or real Phil bonding. I don't thing a guy will ask you out after five minutes of casual conversation. You have to spend time showing a degree of interest (really being interested helps) and even doing a bit of self disclosure so that the potential Phil feels safe. All I know is that I felt pretty rotten that evening myself and often wanted to be one of those women, but I stuck it out and did my best to make eye contact and smile at all the men that entered or passed me by. I spent a decent amount of time talking to one guy and by the end of the night I had a date for the next weekend.

I know this technique has no guarantees - it doesn't always work for me, but if I'd followed those other women I guarantee you that I would NOT have gotten a date.

Just more food for thought. More ideas for me to put into action. Maybe there are certain techniques/skills that I can work on and develop. If you have made any discoveries or know of any certain strategies that are more effective than others, then please share. I'm just happy that without a long distance boyfriend I'm still finding success at getting a date. This one really might be the next Phil!

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