Saturday, July 12, 2008

Make up your Mind (Bridget)

About two years ago when I moved back to California I went out to a singles activity with a friend. I was introduced to a tall blonde guy,lets call him Hal. Do you ever think that the Universe is sending you signs that this guy that you have just met just may be the one? First of all, I had gone to a psychic a couple of years before and she had told me the man I would marry had light hair and light eyes. Hal has light eyes and light hair....Hal happened to live up the street from my brother AND was his home teacher...coincidence? At the time, I thought...maybe not...My friend suggested that Hal and I meet her down in San Diego at a dance...we could drive down together.Both of us agreed. We talked on the phone once to firm up plans, I would drive down an hour to his area and we would go the rest of the way to San Diego together. Hal was 37 year old Mormon Male,never been married. The never been married quality is a good thing, but also can be a curious thing. Why has he not ever been married, in a culture that is so marriage focused, and he being a male who is traditionally the chooser...why has he reached this age being single?

When Hal and I spoke on the phone, he asked sort of joking, would I be driving all the way to San Diego? I brushed it off and said no. More on this later.
The drive, in Hal's car, down to San Diego was surprising full of chemistry...he made me laugh quite a bit and we seemed to have a similar point of view when it came to the church and we liked a lot of the same movies...he had told me that he was doing things lately that he had never done before...for instance he told me he had never been to a pet store so he went to peruse one....kind of different..and not really an "out of the box" move,but chemistry seemed to go a long way, because by the time we got down to the dance I was interested.

We danced to a couple of songs, including Honesty by Billy Joel..even two years later I remember this. I also remember the answer he gave to my question, "So what are you looking for in a woman?" He had a couple of decent answers, like" trust and openness"...then he comes out with, "and I probably shouldn't say this, i know I'm not supposed to but she needs to be hot"...(huh?) and he said, "looking back on the relationships I've had in the past, I've realized that the reasons they have not worked is the girls have not been sporty.."(double huh?)

At the time, I was turned off, but that was overshadowed by my thought, Does he think I'm hot? And I'm definitely not I guess I'm not what he's looking for...(sigh.)And dangit, why couldn't I have been sporty? Can't I ever catch a break? Why do i have to be the type of girl that runs from any opportunity to play volleyball and softball...

So on the way home, when he was just about to drop me off, I told him I had a really good time talking with him...that I had fun. He told me I was fun to talk to as well. We left it at that..he didn't ask me out, although he had my number.
So the next week I was wondering if he was going to call..was I hot in his definition? Only time would friend told me he was shy and hardly ever went on I was hoping I'd hear from him, but not sure if I would. Then he called me, that next Friday night. I was too freaked out to answer, so I let it go to voice mail. He left a voice mail saying he was on his way to Blockbuster and he couldn't remember some of the movies I had suggested. So I was wondering is he just calling me with the movies as an excuse or does he really just want to know about the movies? I called him back after a respectable amount of time...and we talked for about 20 the end of the conversation I still didn't know if he was just using the movie as an excuse...but we got off the phone with no talk of seeing eachother again. I saw him a couple of more times at dances and we chatted a bit, never anything more. So there was my answer,he had just called about movies.

Fast forward two years and I am on Eharmony. Who shows up as a match of mine? Hal!! We had 29 dimensions of compatibility.I laughed and again, thought,what have we here? A coincidence again? I didn't do anything, i waited to see what he would do. Even though I played it off to my friends with mostly sarcasm, I was genuinely interested in getting to know Hal better. I considered requesting communication so we could laugh together about this, but before I had a chance,he closed me with the reason "I want to pursue other matches at Eharmony" Very well...I gave him a "Good luck in your search" reply, which only makes me look good....not jilted, or vulnerable, just good,unaffected...right?

Then I forgot about it...recently I received a fast track communication request from Hal. He apparently reopened me. He asked me how I was and if I had seen any good movies lately. I was really confused..why was he now emailing me after he closed me? What was he trying to do,what were his intentions? We emailed back and forth for a few days...I was just about to ask him for an explanation as to why he closed me and now is emailing me...but he never responded to my last email...

I wasn't going to let him get the best of me..and I absolutely was not going to let him close me again..the wishy washy single mormon I went through all of the canned reasons E harmony gives as options to close the match, there's the "I don't think we have chemistry", there's the "i want to pursue other matches". Then there was the seemingly perfect one for me to close Hal, simply "other". That was all he got from me.

In thinking about this extensively, because that's what I do.. what stands out to me is the fact that at the very beginning he turned me off by the way he answered my question...he was looking for someone hot and sporty..the hot part..everyone wants to be attracted, and for me, that is a must as well..but the fact that he told me that in those words, really annoyed me...i think because thats something you say to another guy...not a woman. Then the sporty thing, I just thought that was weird..that whether someone plays volleyball with you is a must have in order to marry. I was also turned off by the fact that he asked me if I was going to drive us down to the dance. I still can't put my finger on why that bothered me, I think at the time I thought that it was lazy and he didn't know how to treat a woman properly. Even if he wasn't interested in me as a love interest,I think if he was a gentleman he wouldn't even have considered me driving him around. So if I was turned off by him, why did I continue to hope that he was interested in me? I think it had to do with the fact that he is a Mormon guy and that carries a lot of weight when a girl is looking for one. I think at the time I was trying particularly hard to get over GSE, and I wanted my Mormon prince to whisk me off and take me to the temple. GSE is the first man ever that is not Mormon that I would marry. In my heart I know I would. I think the very fact that Hal is Mormon, and I felt chemistry with him in any way,shape,or form is also what led me to give him another chance when he was a match of mine on Eharmony. This is what I am supposed to want. I say supposed to, because sometimes I forget that when I find myself thinking about being with GSE.

At this moment, Hal has frustrated me enough...and due to "other" reasons,I have closed him, as well as the possibility that this mormon guy is the one for me.As far as being with someone that is not Mormon,for me the verdict is still out, and is still open.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes I've found that superstitions (like a psychic telling you something or for me, a friend making a "prediction") can get in the way of me seeing truth. I want so much to believe it's true that I fall for a guy that really isn't who he is, but more who I want him to be.

Kris said...

You know, maybe if you'd stuck it out, something would have happened, but I think that is rare. You total deserve someone who doesn't need to be proded to go out with out (we all deserve that). I get so tired of feeling like I'm trying to convince someone to like/date me. I think it's best to just walk away from those situations!