Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Trying to Repent (Marnie)

I wrote this whole big rant this weekend about how lame Speed is. But now it just seems silly and bitter to put all that info on the blog. So, I decided to just suck it up and give a smaller, more concise version and hope the bitterness comes out as just some frustration.

After a couple of email exchanges over the last few weeks, Speed called me at 11:30am on a weekday last week. A normal girl would be really flattered and happy. Not me! It really, really, really annoyed me. I was already having a “week” which didn’t help, but finding out what time he called me, made me totally have a cow.

What was the reason for my cow? Well, why call a girl in the middle of the day? He knows I work! Why would he think I would be home??? Or even be able to answer the cell phone if I was at work? If he really wanted to talk to me, wouldn’t he pick a better time that makes more sense? Either he was just following his gut after he got my email and he really wanted to talk to me, or, he was being lame by leaving a message in the middle of day knowing I wouldn’t be home to get it AND throwing the ball into my court making me do the work because he has no backbone.

Of course, I assumed the second.

I know, I know - I was looking for an excuse to not take a risk because of the fear that I had already pegged this guy – one more strange dude that has no social skills and will cause some uncomfortable and possibly annoying moments in my life.

I ended up not calling him until…well, I didn’t.

After some very animated spewing to some girlfriends, followed by some soul-searching, I’ve decided to buck up and contact him back and follow through until the end – even though he is acting a LOT like a guy I went out with once before. (For your information, that “guy” ended up providing THE LONGEST DATE OF MY LIFE. So you can see why I’m really hesitating.)

I guess what bugs me is that all of this takes effort and risk. And frankly, I’m tired of putting out effort and risk on things that don’t look good at all from the very beginning. I realize I’m projecting on poor Speed, but I still feel like this will end just like all the other bad blind dates. And I’m tired. Really tired. Of all of this.

But then, who isn’t tired?

So, after pouting for a weekend, I emailed him today. Yep, I swallowed my pride and did it. In the email, I apologized for not getting back to him. We'll see how he takes my flakiness. I probably should have called him, but this seemed the most normal response in this situation.

Wait!! Who am I kidding? None of this normal! Did you ever think all of this is just completely insane? Finding a mate? While being over 35 years old? AND Mormon? Yeah, completely insane!!

And yet, I push onward…

There. I feel better.

1 comment:

Bridget said...

I totally know how you feel Marnie. I have been in similar situations..its tough to know if you're being too picky and neurotic or if its really something inside telling you to move on to something don't know until you give it a chance....or not...and yes I am tired, and do feel like its insane sometimes...thank you for sharing and wish you well :)