Thursday, July 10, 2008

More About Expectation Management (Leah)

I was discussing this concept of expectation management with a good friend last night. I'm a bit hesitant to know which expectations need lowering. The ex-Phil sometimes felt like women had way too many expectations - in terms of timing. He felt like one reason we didn't work out is that I expected him to figure things out faster. He may have a point - but I still feel that after a year of on again off again dating and friendship, my expectations weren't too much. Yes, everyone has their own time schedule and we shouldn't be so stuck on "rules" that we don't find our own flow, but is it too much to expect that he could have made a commitment to at least be exclusive?

In other areas of expectations management - we all like to be treated well. Generally, men on the first few dates, do a good job of getting doors or treating you to a nice enough dinner. You know, "real" dates. Well, lately the Phil that has been asking me out keeps asking me to family functions - very casual stuff, like babysitting the nieces and nephews. Sure it would be nice if he took me to a play or dinner or something, but truthfully, I think this is okay. I think he likes to really get to know a woman in a natural setting. STILL one of these days, I'd hope he could step it up a notch and take me on a real date. Anyway, for now I'm managing my expectations.


Kris said...

Honestly, I think you are very good at this. Definitely you gave that ex-Phil plenty of time and opportunity. I don't think you expected too much at all. I don't think it means we need to accept any old homeless jerk as a boyfriend, but just be open to who someone is and get to know them without expecting them to fit a checklist of the ideal man. Again, I think you are good at that.

Leah said...

Funny - I was discussing my "openness" with another friend on Sunday and she said she thinks I am the most open person she knows - in terms of managing expectations (I fear being too open sometimes). But when I was reading your post I decided you may be the most open person I know! It's good to give guys chances - and besides - you can have fun while you do it. So back at you - you're good at that too.